A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, everything between us is great and we've discussed marriage and kids and everything seems to be perfect. Although, he talks to his ex... which I wouldn't normally mind, because he is open and honest about everything involving her. But he was showing me how many times his mom called and I noticed on his log that they talked for an hour when I wasn't around. They broke up because he didn't feel they were right for each other but is still obsessed with her sexually, I think. He had a hard time in their relationship, because he was still in love with his first girlfriend, when he was dating the second girl. He was secretive about meetings and messages when they dated and she ended up snooping and hacking into his account a lot because he was doing stuff that wasn't so great for the relationship. They broke up because he went to see his ex. Now, he's with me and the first girl is out of the picture. But he still has some attachment to the second girl... I don't know what, but I'm sure it's sexual. I'm not jealous of her, I'm prettier and skinnier, but she has bigger boobs... so that could be it. The part that bothers me the most is: He has told me that he messaged her that he wanted to talk to her more and that he dreamt about her with some other guy. He didn't go into much detail and he's such a detailed guy, I knew something was up. I gave in, thinking that if he's been sneaky in the past, he could be being sneaky now. I saw a little bit, before I made myself stop. He commented that she should wear a certain dress to a party because it looked really good on her, that he had other dreams about her and her new guys and they talked about her having a threesome with two other people... they analyzed their relationship too. This all made me so sick, I had to stop. I know I did the wrong thing by snooping, but my suspicion was confirmed. I can't stand the thought of him talking to her, but I don't want him to feel forced to give her up, and then resent me. He says he loves me, and doesn't want to get back together with her, but how do I tell him that his behavior is inappropriate and I don't feel like I can trust him at all anymore.
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female
reader, Steena26  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Hi, you need to get rid of this guy, you deserve to be with someone who is with YOU 100% not someone who is still involved with his ex IN ANY WAY!
I can relate to this story but not from your point of view, but from the ex's, my bf broke up with me out of the blue and found someone else to be with... but he's been cheating on her with me! He texts me a lot (rude messages) and even hints at meeting up- whether he still has feelings for me or not he shouldn't be texting me when he's with her right?? when they were just 'seeing' each other (not in an official relationship yet) we slept together a couple of times and he told her... she still decided she would get involved and I think anyone would agree that it's more fool her! If the ex is still in the picture when they don't have a need to be (i.e kids or other permanent commitments) then the new girl should NOT get involved in all that, and as you've recently learned, your fears are coming true! You deserve more than this, there are guys out there that would give anything to commit to you and not treat you this way... give one of them a chance? Good luck hun x
A
female
reader, missjaded +, writes (6 January 2011):
I am facing almost the same problem.
I learned that it is so hard to trust someone who can hurt you so much. You think that how could he do this to me when all I've done is love him? If he's done it once, he will do it again. Talk it over with him and tell him that his behaviour is inappropriate. If he listens, he might be interested in keeping you. But if you catch him again, then your relationship is pretty much game over.
Plenty of fish in the sea, my dear. There will be someone out there who can and will love you and just only you. You only need to wait.
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