A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm a bit confused about whats going on in my "relationship cycle" and also whats going on in my boyfriend's head!the background: we've been together for two years now, this is a long distance relationship right now.we had a great relationship with loads of attraction until this feb.. except a few bumps here and there. each time the issues were mostly raised by me.he calls me texts and everything even though he's busy.and right now, we are still a couple.the situation:..i feel strongly that we are missing a lot in our relationship. understanding each other,knowing each other ,spending good times..everything is missing. i didn't feel like this before this feb. i lost feelings for a while .NOT BECAUSE I AM BORED OF HIM BUT THE FEELING THAT HE IS PROBABLY BORED OF US.i don't know. its the vibes i suddenly began feeling that HE is certainly not as interested as before...a feeling of downward slope began creeping in. and i freaked out. so a few days later, i texted like 5 to 6 messages talking crap like "you don't care anymore blah blah" and some of them were really really hurtful.i dont know what i was doing.seeking extra attention or whatever that was a HUGE mistake and a BIG mess. he was already stressed out in life . and i guess it hurt him a lott.i indirectly said things like i should't have even slept with him.so after that incident our healthy happy relationship turned sour.and this isn't the first time i was getting on him like that. he's not as sentimental or emotionally open as i am so it used to piss me off from time to time.either something he says or does would look uncaring /insensitive to me.but this time he ..i don't know what exactly the impact was,but he asked me to give him space and time as he's too busy to pay attention to me.i gave him that. a complete break ,though he called me 4 times during the 1 week break i didn't pick but just waited a few hours each time texted him to call me back .but he didn't .he sent me some message on fb to check the pics that he uploaded and stuff so we ended up commenting and kind of keeping in touch ,but i did not send him back any personal message on fb.our break was broken when he came herehis family lives here and we met. he didn't ask me anything about it..we made out at his place..and then while having lunch that day he just asked me "so what were you thinking during this break" i was totally blank..thinking he was referring to the time when i was waiting for him to get food , i said "what. huh .i was thinkin nothing. just hungry" so he said "no. we had a break right..gave each other some space.so what were you thinking " and he kind of had a question mark smile.i said "there are many things that i thought over...what were you thinking?"and his reply actually shocked me.. i still am confused by what he said"the break was for you to think... you were the one frustrated in our relationship right? " i wanted to say"but i never asked for a break..or any space .i was asking the opposite" but i held myself and didn't say that...but instead i explained to him that i worry about how things are going to work out cos we dont understand each other well enough and we don't spend time in a way that will help us do that.. i said our friends know us better than we know each other .and i feel sad that i don't have the kind of deep conversations with him like i have with my friends...the thing is ,we don't do much activities together cos he has money issues.so i am very concerned that i should never burden him.but he's very lazy ,and doesn't want to meet anywhere other than the nearby mall or his home.eversince he began workingbut all the same he has a thing in his mind that we're boring...but thats not my fault! he keeps indirectly showing that i'm not any fun.he goes to the movies and hangs out with his friends but we've never done anything fun since very long.when he needs to shop for something i have to help him out.things like shampoo and shaving creams :/ thats the farthest we've got to ,in terms of activities ..at first we did many fun things,involved other friends etc, that was before he moved out to the other city.i feel the "love being with her " phase is over for him with me. i feel so. he blames stress and tensions to being in the cave but i really get the vibes that i'm not fun to him anymore.now,we are back to a cooperative couple situation..but this has to change if things need to work out. i should insist on us doing fun things the next time. anything different to get rid of the monotony and he should realize that I'M NOT a boring person. but it's the relationship to blame. NOT ME! how do i go about that?will it help us work it out ?or should i just let it lay..if i do, i think the problem of monotony will aggravate..i feel the need to show him spark and make it go into his head that "dude. its not me.any girl in my place this is how you would have felt"...i was over- conscious to not burden him by taking me out here and there. but now its backfiring me.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 A natural relationship cycle progresses into comfortable, but not boring. If all relationships get boring then everyone should just stay single. Even the most "boring" couples find fun and connect well doing the simplest things. I think he is in a new city and he wants a different kind of life. He definitely has something he is not telling you but instead shifting the issue onto you complaining about the relationship. You want more than what he could give you. Trust your intuition and don't be with a man if you feel he doesn't want to be with you. You are in a long distance relationship so more space is just bullshit.
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