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female
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anonymous
writes: i am a 18 year old female and i dont get a feeling when i have sex, is this heard of and is there somthing wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Get some lube, have him stimulate your clit before sex, and then during. Alot of girls don't get pleasure from straight up sex. I don't, my last long term partner and I used to do as I said above, or he would make me orgasm through oral sex and then we would have sex afterwards...You can also try using toys during sex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): welcome to the club of women !! I have had this problem all my life and I am 56 now. I have given up trying to come during sex... I just rely on masturbation. I am a very good actress so my man will never know. I would hate to hurt his feelings, but if I cant come by the time I am 56 during sex, then I never ever will.... I can only get pleasure from stimulating my clitoris, my vagina has no feeling. I hope you have better luck than I do....
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 It's very common, you are not in an unusual situation at all. It's very possible that for you to feel something you need to be both emotionally secure with the person you are with, and physically relaxed. I was in a similar situation with my girlfriend and we eventually overcame it.
Bear in mind that most women won't orgasm with straight-up intercourse. Foreplay, touching, oral sex, etc are much more likely to lead to sexual feeling and orgasm for you. If your sex is just consisting of fucking, then it's not at all surprising that you're not feeling anything.
There are a few things you can do. The first is to be able to masturbate yourself to orgasm. Until you know how to do this for yourself, you won't know how to ask a man to do it for you. If you find it difficult, think about getting a vibrator, and / or reading something sexy. Fantasy is a huge part of sexual feeling and orgasm. Do this alone to start with.
Once you are able to bring yourself to orgasm. Work on doing this with your boyfriend. Just have him watch and learn. You will be able over time to be more relaxed with him around. It can help if you two talk during, especially if he tells you how turned on he is getting by watching you. He can join in also, perhaps just by touching you gently or licking you, or massaging you.
Then you need to teach your boyfriend to bring you to orgasm. It's hard to talk about these things and be intimate, but its really worth it and once you start you'll find it gets easier quickly. Just get him to do the things you like and touch you in ways you like. Give guidance like 'slower, faster, harder, softer, higher up', and use your hands and body to guide him. Oral sex by him on you can be very good :) Young guys tend to get over-keen, so you'll probably have to tell him to relax and slow down. The main thing is for him to focus on giving you pleasure in the way you want him to. His penis will probably have nothing to do with it.
Perhaps the single most important thing to remember is that sex is so much more than just intercourse. Working on having great sex without intercourse is a really good way to learn this.
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