A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My two best friends and I had a massive fall out back in September and haven't spoken since. It has been massively awkward because we all live together and can't get out of our lease until May. Basically, I came out as a lesbian last June and although they initially said they were fine with this, as time went on and I got a serious partner (who I am still with and very much in love with), their attitudes changed. They became very cliquey and I felt I was being pushed out of our threesome. I constantly reassured myself everything was fine and asked them both numerous times if something was wrong. Each time they said there wasn't. I tried to believe this but my gut feeling was that something was going on. Oddly, a number of my other friends felt this too. They said something was odd but they couldn't put their finger on it.Then at the start of september I woke up and overheard them bitching about me. Some of it was just petty like I've had financial problems but some of it really upset me. I lost my dad last April to cancer and they were saying that it makes them feel really awkward if I mention him and that I talk about him too much. Baring in mind, he died in april and this was september... Of course, I'd talk about him to my best friends. I was grieving for my dad who I had been very close to.Then they started bitching about my partner and I. Everything under the sun. That we weren't a real couple because we can't have "real sex", that we must be so desperate to have turned to women instead of men, that I've had endless sexual partners and this one would be no different, just endless crap.I couldn't believe what I was hearing and confronted them. Although they said sorry, it felt half hearted and more sorry they got caught. I also felt this wasn't the first time this had happened - it was just the first time they'd been caught. What's worse is they told me that although they were sorry, I should think about what I'd done to make them feel that way. They said I'd acted odd in recent weeks. Yes, I did - but only because I had a gut feeling something was going on and it clearly was.From there we stopped talking. We only communicate about things to do with out house. I spend my days out at uni or work or with other friends, and my evenings in my room. They have been petty and nitpick everything I do in the house now. I accidently left my window open one day and they properly ganged up on me for it. Nothing was said about the time we had to have our back door open so they could have a hot tub. Its like complete double standards.I've really moved on from the argument and dnt think about it anymore but do not feel I can forgive them. Even if I could forgive the petty stuff, I can't forgive the stuff about my dad and my partner. Maybe that makes me the smaller person but their words really hurt me. I felt so lost without my two best mates. The silver lining was I realised I had other friends who didn't care I was gay and I started spending more time with them but still I missed my two best mates.We are now nearing the end of our tenancy and I guess I'm starting to take stock of what happened. I'm also bout to graduate and they are as much of my uni experience as my degree has been. They are the girls I was friends with from the start and as much as I'm upset, and still can't find forgiveness in my heart, I do still care what happens to them. We shared a lot as friends; all the stuff girl go thru together, all the trips out shopping, all the nights in - we were close.This morning I walked in on one of them crying in the kitchen and that part of me from when we were friends just wanted to hug her and ask if she was ok but something inside stopped me. I'm still hurt and angry. I still care though and maybe somehow although I can't forgive them, I do want to clear the air. We haven't spoke in such a long time though. Then this afternoon one of them made me a cup of tea and I just broke down crying and said I think we shuld talk at some point this week. I dnt know what I even want to talk about, it just felt the right thing to say.I need some advice. Where do I go from here?
View related questions:
best friend, lesbian, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, EmilyTheStrange  +, writes (21 March 2011):
I know that you're still angry, but if you miss your best friends that much I think you should begin talking to them again. Small things at a time of course. Talk about course work and what yous did at the weekend to build up on the lost friendship.You should also tell them about how much their comments hurt you. Let them know what made them hurt aswell. Show them how you're the same girl you were before you told them you were a lesbian. People need time adjusting to these things. Hopefully you can build on your friendship with the girls, and good luck :) x
|
