A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I happen to be in a relationship for almost 2 years, with my bf who is in his mid to late thirtys,and honestly I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete,but it just comes off as mysterious to be quite honest, he does not like to make noise when he is walking LOLI have never met his ''friends'' I Don't even think he has many, the only ''friend'' that I have metwas his roomate (which is a weed head, smokes a lot of weed) it was a HI and bye type of interaction, he has another friend that,he talksabout which is an old man in his 50, that supposedly is a friend of his family, I have never seen him,the times thatme and my bf hang around which are not very frequent, due to hectic schedules, I have never seen that man,another thingsupossedly my bf does not smoke, yet I caught a box of marlboroh cigarettes underneath his laptop and his odd excuse is:he keeps it there for the laptop to ventilate the hot air. And I say Oh really? so he bought a box of marlboro just to serve asa laptop cushion, I don't think so. either he smokes or someone else that goes to his house does.The othe part is,I remember when we met he told he me how he disliked social media, and did not have any of them.He also hates pictures,in our whole relationship we neer took not one picture, I tried long time ago for thanksgivingand he did not want to he said he look unpolished blah blah, he was so awkward about it, and just told me he did not like to take picturesures ,and the fact that he does not like his pictures to be on internet or FACEBOOK,since he likes ''privacy''.he also mentionedthat there are not many pics of him.Yet I checked his family members facebook and saw 3 pics of him.And then the part that bothered mewas that I ended up finding out that he has a facebook profile, with a made up name and an actual picture of him( very ironic isn't it, since he does not like neither social media or taking pictures and is sooo conscious about his Privacy Humm???).His excuse to why he has that facebook account is: ''yeah that's an old facebook account that I made but I don't use,its been sitting there for some time, but,I don't use it. Honestly I could not see any content,I suppose he has it private, yet I saw only 5 people that are friends with himand facebook suggested them to me. 4 of them I know from university, and there was this girl, whom I have no clue who she is. so I checkedher facebook and HE became friends with her on 2015, to me that is not so long ago, So he must have been logging around that time.facts are facts and this does not match with his so EXCUSE. This especific facebook issue gives me the impressionthat something is rotten in the state of denmark, does not seem kosher, even though he insist in the'' it's old and I don't use it'' excuse.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 March 2017):
 I don't see the big deal about social media. I don't see the big deal about no photos. But I do find it strange that your own friends don't know he is your boyfriend. Why not tell them? Why not introduce them?
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (15 March 2017):
I still think you're making mountains out of mole-hills for the facebook thing
I have a facebook account which I stopped using in about 2012. If new people I meet ask me "are you on facebook?" I say a plain and simple "No".
Once I get to know them better, IF the facebook subject comes up again I might add that "I have been on facebook before but I don't use it anymore"
And I wouldn't think to add, that I logged on once in 2015 (actually it might have been 2014 but I truly don't remember) because it's something so unimportant.
I don't consider myself a liar. I'm not deliberately trying to deceive people - just sparing them trivial and boring details that are about my PAST and don't really concern them.
As for pumping someone else for information - it's not really a good idea. Talk about the guy if you must but just be careful about how you word your questions. If this guy KNOWS that he's talking about your boyfriend - he will modify his replies so he says what he THINKS you want to hear? My guess is that that you will get NO concrete proof of any sketchiness from these conversations - just a whole load of ambiguous useless information that makes you feel more and more confused and less trustful.
I also hope you see that YOU will fast become the dodgy one in the relationship if you keep needing to sniff around.
If something is rotten in the state of Denmark - leave the country. There's no need to go opening every single garbage pail to find out what it is.
If this relationship is making you feel this mistrustful - it's time to end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ RubyBirtle I just think he is to discrete, He has talked about his family and all that jazz, but I do perceive his as being mysterious, the problem was that at the begining of us dating I asked if he had facebook and said no(he should have said I do have one but with no content, or anything, just a couple of university friends and that's it.) unless he really did not have one and created one on 2015 WHICH I highly doubt. I am sure he has it from long ago and since he ''does not use it'' he decided to say I don't have one. Why not just say the truth and that's it.BTW,I have been talking to a good friend of mine who happens to know my bf as well, this friend has no remote clue that this man is my boyfriend, I am sure if I told him, he would be heck of surprised, he actually lived next door to him for some time, and I am thinking if it would be a good idea to tell my friend that this man he happens to know is actually my bf, im sure he can give me some info about him, if he ever saw something sketchy or weird. do you think it would be a good idea to do this? just to get some insight.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2017): Yes I think you are correct to be suspicious of this person.
He doesnt quite add up in your opinion and you suspect he is being shady.
If you have other friends you could start to spend more time with them as this person is jangling your nerves with his inconsistencies and you are free to stop seeing him!
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (14 March 2017):
Well, from what you post about him I don't see anything too "mysterious" but I'm not dating him so my advice is - trust your gut. If you think something is rotten in the state of Denmark, then it probably is.
Personally, I would find the "lack of friends" as more of a red flag than the facebook thing.
2015 was two years ago now (depending on the month) so I think that "it's old and I don't use it" would be a perfectly acceptable thing to say. If I had an item of clothing I hadn't worn since 2015, I might describe it the same way. Or are you simply piqued because he friended a girl shortly after you'd met?
Perhaps the pack of cigarettes belonged to his weed-smoking room-mate?
Having no (apparent) friends would worry me, however. I would suspect that I was being kept separate from certain parts of his life because he felt the relationship was not going to be permanent or exclusive.
But the facebook thing does make it sound like you're making mountains out of mole-hills.
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