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*he_once_over_twice
writes:I have been in a relationship with my current partner for two years. He has an ex g/f from a few years ago. He stays in contact with her and recently let it slip out that he has not told his ex g/f that we are seeing each other. He sometimes tells me that they talk for a few minutes a month, but I checked our cell phone bill to find out he talks to her a lot more than he admits to. I told him that he can call her while he is at home with me, but he has never done this. I do not think he is cheating on me but I am not sure he is done with that relationship. Any help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): I have been in a similar situation with a boyfriend. It turns out that this "ex" he has known for years and the entire time off and on she was his friend with benefits. This ex was a combative retaliatory type friend, whenever he got a girlfriend that he cared about she would contact the girl and let her know about the fact that she was a part of his life a friend and she would say things like she pulled the strings, that when ever she wanted him back and called him he would come running for sex.....
It could be that this particular ex is not that crazy and they are just friends, but if she is his friend with benefits, that is why he doesn't want her to know about you, in case she gets angry and retaliates. Usually these exes use each other for sex and in between relationships they start leaning on each other for more emotional support, so when she breaks up with someone she calls him and vice versa. It sucks, that is what happened to me and it caused a lot a lot of trust issues between me and that boyfriend....even though he had been faithful to me, she claimed otherwise and he even told her to stop contacting him and me and it did not work. I finally had to take legal action against her. Let's hope your boyfriend's ex is not that type, if she is, he may be keeping you out of that fight and you should be thankful.
That said, you really have to decide what your boundaries are early on in a relationship where other women are concerned and whether or not you are comfortable with that contact with an ex. If it is a dealbeaker for you, then you have every right to say so.....it is for me going forward.....I learned my lesson on being the "understanding"" girlfriend...I will never be that understanding second class citicizen for any man again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): yes - talk to him say look you should really tell her, that way she will stop holding a candle for him and she can move on... (its a subtle statement then see what he says)
Star.x.
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