| A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi all, was celebrating a birthday on the weekend, I had my GF's bestfriends fella in my ear all night asking for advice, by the sounds of it his relationship isn't that great, and my GF had the same with her best mate, very annoying, how ever towards the end, I was trapped in the loo talking to him, trying to get away, and when I did, we both watched he'd our GF's get up and leave, ended up spending about half hour trying to track them down, missed calls and what not, eventually we did, and I walked into the bar to her dancing away with some bloke, she told me he was gay, I trust her and believe her, how ever my issue is the fact they both got up and left with out even a text or call asking what was taking me so long, or to atleast let me know they were trying somewhere else (she knew what was happening regarding her friends fella, as she was having the same with her friend) for me to walk in on her dancing with a random bloke, I don't know if I'm being insecure or jealous, but the entire principle I disagree with, as I know if the shoe was on the other foot it would be just as much as an issue. If I was with her I'd have seen he was gay and not been bothered. I don't know weather to bring it up again, obviously we had a chat afterwards but we were both drunk. Can't help but over think the entire situation
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2023): This would have been one thing if you (as in all of you) were in your early and MAYBE mid-twenties. That's because roughly 18-22 is "college age" in the US. I'm aware you're not from the US, but I'm guessing the age bracket is about the same. In college, ppl are away from their parents and feel free to drink, party, flirt and so on. Age 22-28, people are maybe getting higher level degrees, beginning careers, and still putting their "I'm a grown up" feelers out there. They're (at least some of them) living the party life but it's calmed down some, occasionally they'll still fit in to the club scene.
At 30-35? Not so much. You ALL should be past that stage! Alcohol has been legal for you (plural, not just you personally) for awhile now and the novelty should have long since worn off. Ppl in your age group should have a rough idea of how much is too much (hint: if you feel drunk, you've had way too much), should be past the stage where there are even more than 1-2 hours in a row to "do whatever", should be mature enough to plan ahead (Let's see, if I have 2 hours of freetime and I choose to get drunk, I'm NOT going to be magically sober by midnight; I might be able to fall into bed at 1am but will I be able to sleep it off and be ready to start my day at 7am like I do weekdays? Even if I sleep in till 9am and it's Sunday does that give me the physical and mental capacity to get things done around the home/run errands/be there and be present for family? Or am I going to waste the day recovering?)
Being drunk is NOT an excuse for behavior that wouldn't be acceptable while sober. People your age should know better. You think that holds up in court of law? Nope! If a person (in this case, your girlfriends) couldn't keep their wits about them or show you (their boyfriends) enough respect to let you know they were taking off somewhere (even the other side of the pub/bar/club), they shouldn't be drinking. A young person just starting their party stage needs to be told this, someone your age shouldn't have to!
Doesn't matter if he's gay, he's not her boyfriend and she had no business dancing with him like that. "He's gay" is not an argument. Gay men are not girlfriends with a penis or boyfriends without sex benefits. If those "girls" (clearly not ladies) want to get drunk and act like immature, selfish, naive college students then maybe they're not mature enough to be dating someone in your age range. I'd sit her down and set some boundaries. Drunk isn't an excuse. Gay isn't license to flirt (if you can call it flirting - most gay men I know hate when their straight female friends and acquaintances assume it's OK it flirt/grope/get touchy feely). Make a list of acceptable behaviors for partying and if she balks at them, maybe you need a more mature girlfriend. Or more mature friends. If she dumps you, just say, "Thank you. You did the hard part for me. Just wish I could get my wasted time back".
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