A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I do not know how to react when my husband becomes extremely unfair and agressive verbally to me. i tell him he's hurting me but he doesnt seem to give much ear. i say that it is not correct what he thinks of me or says about me. this often ends in headious rows and physical agression because he goes on for hours on end and becomes worse continuing to say very painful things to me. at times he threats me badly. nowadays i can't keep quiet any longer as i've had the full dosis and am at my wits end. we've known each other for about 3 years now. what should i do with a husband whom i still love after being treated quite badly? i do not want to take the easy way out and leave him, because i think this situation will change to become positive. he often says and shows he loves me, but always tries to control me and what i'm doing. he tells me what not to do in a very nasty way and his whole manner changes towards me. this happens at least once a day but often more. he is highly complexed about not having studied, no real shop anymore; after his father kicked him out of the shop last year 3 months after our wedding; his height (smaller than i am, but I'm ok w/ this), and his background (he's a kurd in turkey, I'm British/French, i've lived in different countries in various continents before). I really feel with him and never put him down or give him a bad feeling. Nevertheless, he thinks i do and nearly everytime understands my sentences wrongly because of what's going on in his head. (we communicate in german, which i master very well and he's doing quite well, now) i really want to do everything to change this negative situtation into a positive and loving one at all times. in turkey, (we live 2 hours away from izmir), there isn't a possibility of going to marriage counsellng. i would be very greatful if someone could give me some concrete advice how to react on him without getting hurt or mad or shout at him. what should i say to him??? how??? Thanx a lot in advance
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (3 June 2007):
 That's not a way to live. He sounds like he's telling you what he wants to hear in order to maintain control. That's not a relationship. The easy way out is indeed to leave. The cool thing about life is our right to make a choice. You deserve someone who's going to love you unconditionally, and accept you for you. I would move on...
Best wishes,
DV1 :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007): darling get intouch with victim support, its private and confidential. You cannot go on like this, it will make you very ill in the end. most men who nead to be in control like this lack control in other areas in there life, But you should not be his punchbag. You need to be in control of your own life and most definatly feel safe in your own home please! please! please! i beg you get seek help.. ive been there its hard but i promise you it will in the end make you stronger. if you really think you could make him change his ways then there is of course relate you can go alone but it would be better if he went with you, But from what you say that sounds its not going to happen, dont go it alone there are people out there, ok sweatheart i hope this helps a little take care and write me if you want xxx
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