A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone got any stories to share to make me feel better. I know there is no solution but here goes. When I was in school I was always picked on for my looks. It formed a personality where I am embarrassed when others would say it in front of my friends (I loved school, there was no bullying). Often when I am in public some kids or adults would look and point and laugh, I used to think I was paranoid. It’s when I started dating I realised I must be unattractive because I was used when they had no one, and thrown when not needed regardless of loyalty. Long story short, I left school over 10 years ago. And now with covid everything is online. I can get a girls attention, we can talk on phone, she even likes me. It’s when I share my photos, they don’t seem interested. I am 100 percent sure it’s looks, as I am confident otherwise. As soon as my picture is shown, they just ghost me. I tried so many times, and some people are very nice but nothing can make them talk to me again after a picture. I have a lot of good luck when I don’t reveal my photo, I have great luck. I feel like life has been tough simply because of looks (jobs, friends, acquaintances, business) but this post is about girls. If I show my body, it’s great. It’s just my features aren’t the best. I forgot about this for a while until I try again. Sometimes I get so down when ghosted I don’t like to put myself in that situation. It’s making me insecure and hitting confidence so I stop trying, I regain confidence and it gets brokened again. None of my friends or family know this. Friends don’t care and family will say I look amazing. It’s no ones fault. Maybe someone can share an experience that may help. Thank you. (I haven’t provided full details in case someone I know reads this and it becomes another joke)
View related questions:
confidence, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2020): Thanks for all the responses. I guess it’s something people don’t experience. I have to put so much effort to make up for bad looks. Grooming is always done. It’s not a negative perception I feed myself! For example, I forgotten all about it. I was discussing a topic on Facebook, as you all get involved. This one guy replied and said I won’t take a comment from someone who’s face looks like: and goes to abuse me. Just like in school days I retreat into embarrassment. Why is it he noticed that? His not wrong? It’s the same comment I got when 8. Now I’m 30+. This is a total stranger. Problem Is, he is right.10 years of trying usually means something. I have tried everything, luckily I am born with a brain so I’m not stupid, and therefore not deluded that I am indeed doomed. Of course there’s plenty out there...but I’m not in the mood. After that comment I don’t even like writing online. Why did that guy even go and check what I look like? When I replied he stopped replying and just laughed. Yes I did go through phase where I avoid people that mock me. It gets very lonely. I refuse to accept it’s my thinking. I have a friend who is blessed with looks. He has no job, always taking things off people. Yet he does not ever have to face the negative crap I face. I mean how many of you have fingers pointed at you? I have many female friends, always have. They feel safe near me. I know I have a good heart and personality. Unfortunately it’s not about that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2020): I do not know if they have this in your country but could you go to a professional photographer and get some glamor shots done?Also you could look online for different looks etc.Clothes and cleanliness do make a man.Get a new completely different haircut.Project confidence in yourself.You got this!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2020): Hi
You may not want to hear this but it is true, always remember that true love sees past the physical and that each and every one of us are unique with both qualities and flaws, embrace everything about the real you and forget the showing photo rubbish, get out into the real sensual world where just been in someone's company can switch their light on. Make the best of everything you are and have belief in yourself, or no one will believe you.I am sure to the right person you are everything, we live in a shallow world that is getting harder and harder to see clearly, stay sure in this truth that the inside is what will attract lasting love and happiness, well worth waiting for.
The world needs everyone to be aware of their unique individuality at these times and not fall asleep to the unreality of what is growing day by day. Stay strong and stay true to you. You are not here to fit a tick box or what society says is good looking.
Always have good humour and warmth and be truthful and you won't go far wrong, hard to find people like this these days in a plastic world falling asleep.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2020): My friend, online, people can be cruel. The vast majority of dates online are conceited and superficial. That's why most of them are just as alone as you are!
If they're good-looking, they feel they can be picky and choosy; because there's so many options available. It's just as hard for them; because they run into freaks, weirdos, psychos, and trolls...with gorgeous faces, bulging biceps, big-ole boobs, and six-pack abs!
I would suppose you don't post a picture; so you submit your dating profile anonymously. You try to build a connection based on your "online-personality." It's only human to embellish and hard-sell yourself as better than you really are. I would also venture to speculate you choose the sexiest and prettiest of profile pics to pursue. There is such thing as reaching for the fruit too high out of reach; while there's just as much fruit within your grasp. It's just as sweet!
Just to let you know, it's a form of trolling to post only body-pics without a face! It's to tease and bait people in; and then you spring it on them! If they see you for whom you really are; they will judge you as a whole, not based on your goodies below the neck, shoulders, or waist! Headless-shots are also what guys do to keep from being recognized, and that in itself comes across as shady.
No-one here can see you, so what can we tell you? I think you'd fare better online if you showed your face; and have a "take-it or leave-it" attitude. I also know the male-ego. Average to homely-males want to date the really pretty-women; who think their poop don't stink! They act that way with everybody...not just you!
You're too old for ugly-duckling stories. If you're confident as you claim, you should post your face and deal with it. It's only by chance that you'll receive responses anyway! Some good, and some bad! That's life, Pinocchio! Don't you ever wonder how some of the plainest people still find love and happiness? It's human nature to always think we're either singled-out to suffer the worst, or so profoundly and utterly unique to the rest of the world. Nobody could possibly suffer what you suffer, they way or for the reasons you suffer!
The reality is, you'll find what you're looking for; if you pray, have faith, and don't give-up until you find it.
You can't show anyone your personality online. They can only go by pics, or chatting with you over devices. They have to meet the man, and judge him for who he is, not what he looks like. If you're patient, and as confident as you claim; perseverance will payoff. Good-looks won't guarantee you'll find love. Be that the case, there shouldn't be a single good-looker left single in the world!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2020): I feel like part of the issue here is online dating.
I can’t tell you how many times I met a guy and didn’t find him attractive at all UNTIL I get to know their personality. Then all of a sudden I find them wildly attractive.
I’ve also met a lot of guys I did find very attractive to begin with UNTIL I get to know their personality. Then all of a sudden I don’t find them attractive.
I bet you’ve seen a very attractive woman before with an ‘ugly’ boyfriend and wondered how the hell he got to be in a relationship with her. Well that would be an example of above.
Looks are only a small part of attraction. It may sometimes be the initial thing people look for, but for a long lasting relationship other things factor in and become more important. Personality is a huge part, as is values, lifestyle, friends, family and confidence.
The problem with online dating is that none of it is real. You think you know a person speaking to them online but you don’t. Everyone is different online. People appear more confident, happier and it’s easier to be whoever you want to be online. Everyone I’ve spoken too on the internet have those same traits, but when you meet them in real life they more often than not are nothing like their online personality. These women are probably talking to several other guys, exactly the same as you who may just be better looking than you - they have more choice.
You need to meet a lady in real life and then blow her away with your personality. I know it’s hard with COVID but these things do take time.
It may also be a case in which you just haven’t met the right lady yet. In dating you will date a hell of a lot more people who are not right for you then you will that are right for you. That’s dating I’m afraid. You will kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your princess.
Just hold in there and don’t let it get you down or knock your confidence. Even attractive people struggle with dating - believe me.
I know attractive people who have no problem getting dates - but they have trouble keeping their dates interest.
It’s all down to meeting the right person but as I said these things take time. So hold in there - you will meet your lady eventually.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (5 November 2020):
 You say that when you were at school you were picked on for your looks, then you say there was no bullying. If you were picked on for your looks then i would say that this was a form of bullying.
I think you are placing to much emphasis on looks, while looks may be the first initial thing that attracts us to someone, i think that personality and who you are as a person supersedes looks.
The dating game is tough, especially at the moment during covid times. We now have a selection of people trying internet dating, people who would not have contemplated internet dating had it not been for covid. so the level of game players,and people on there with no intention of meeting anyone, and just to waste peoples time has risen tenfold.
I think you need to work on your confidence, when your family say you look amazing, believe them, and keep telling yourself that.
As for the photo's, you really can't tell an awful lot from a photo. I have been told before i look better looking in the flesh than i looked in a photo. I also think when we are having a picture taken we try to hard, pull a face, or a fake smile that does not resemble us. find a natural picture of yourself, where you are relaxed and not trying to hard for pose. Some people are just not photogenic, some really attractive people come out really awful in photos.
You will meet someone who is into you, who loves you for who you are. But you really do need to start loving yourself first. The relationship you are looking for, all starts with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2020):
 You can't really change your face, OP
But you can change your hair cut, you can change how you groom yourself. Maybe you look scruffy (but not in a scruffy nerfhearder way). You can change your glasses if they are not flattering and how you dress.
But most of all, I think it comes to A LOT to the "type" of women you approach. You go for the cute, good looking ones, the ones who GET plenty of attention already so they HAVE a larger "pond" to fish from. And perhaps therefore they TEND to be more shallow and judge people by their looks. Am I right?
Maybe you should show you picture SOONER, so you can weed out the ones that ONLY care about how you look, not what kind of person you are.
...............................
|
