A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I dislike my partner's mother. What do I do? We never got off to a good start. When I met my partner his mother felt that I should be visiting her all the time, like his ex wife did. Not knowing if the relationship would last I did not want to do this and that's where the bad start came from. Every time I visit her now (with him) she makes comments about how long it's been and then come back sooner before we go. This makes me feel uncomfortable. She is one of those "fragile" women who acts like a frightened rabbit half of the time and goes "oooo" and "ohohohoh" whilst she gives a slight shake of her hands and I don't like that, I feel it's an act. My mother is the down to earth straight talking what you see is what you get type and that's what I am used to.I have nothing, except him, in common with his mother. We have no history either. All her history is with his ex wife and his daughter. Any conversations tend to end up with his mother speaking favourably about his ex wife and his daughter. This drives me further away from her. I am not the type to speak about any aspect of me or my life until I am comfortable with the person I am speaking with so she knows nothing about me. She has shown that she is a gossip so I don't trust her either. Last night we visited her. I sat there smiling, listening to her reliving her health issues (which are nothing in comparison to my mothers} and her late husband's disability (which were nothing compared to my own late father's disability) and all the time I was looking at her face to face I was thinking "I do not like this woman". Every inch of my body was uncomfortable with intense dislike. Help please
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 She's your partner's mother, what can you do about her? Absolutely nothing.
One day soon or in the future, if you find yourself marrying your partner, then you're going to have to tolerate her for as long as she's on this earth.
Stop comparing her to your mother. It's only going to make you dislike her even more. Instead, stop sizing her up and focus on tolerating the woman. Participate in the convo, but let her banter on with whatever story she has. Smile and nod, but mentally remove yourself from the conversation.
You don't have to like your (future) in laws, but you do HAVE to tolerate them to an extent.
A
male
reader, xsemenelinx  +, writes (26 September 2011):
 all blessings doesnt come perfect my dear. it takes a long road to know the flaws that your into. its a bit hard to understand that you cant please everybody. i know how you feel and i know the situation that you have.. me either have the same luck just you are.. i simply do these things.
1. Be aware of what im doing.
2. not to please them too much because in everything i do.. It will be just scrutinized
3. its hard to be the real you because you will be just standing on a mock stage. better to be silent
4. your partner will be the one to give such good points to his keen. (sad for me its a dog eat dog world.and my wife never did what is right hence put me in a guillotine)
in this case your partner will be the one that will define the real thing in your relationship. please be aware, this is your proving grounds. talk to him. verbalize what you feel. its all up to him on what to do..
KNOW THIS... THERE IS A CYCLE... THERE IS A WORD CALLED KARMA... CHEER UP!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 September 2011):
 Well, just accept that this women is your partner's mom and that it is. It's not a competion of who's mom/dad/ex-wife is the best. Or who has been the sickest.
I would honestly take the high road and ignore her when she gets into praising the ex-wife ( I BET you she talked about the girls he was with before he got married to her). She sounds like she wants to be the center of her son's universe. I'm guessing the talk about sickness is a way for her to get attention and sympathy. So let her have her 15 min. of "fame" while you are there.
But remember this, if you at some point marry this guy, she will be "part" of the deal. It doesn't mean you have to all of a sudden love her and want to spend time with her, but she is his mother. She always will be. Jsut as the ex-wife always will be a part of his life, same with his child.
We don't chose family, we just live with them best as we can :)
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