A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone..... Just looking for some advice in regards to my situation please :)After a very very bad relationship, I remained single for the past 5 years or so..... Basically to build myself back up and also I just didn't have the time or energy, and found I just couldn't trust anyone anymore...... About 6 months ago I joined an online dating site and hit it off with a guy straight away...... We have been on numerous dates and I can feel myself really falling for him, he said he feels the same.The other night, we became friends on Facebook and whilst I was searching for him via his email address I decided to have a nosy in Google and his email brought up a few personal ads on sex sites..... These were all about 4 months before we started talking...... But basically it has totally put me off, changed my entire perspective of him....I feel so disappointed and -Althoughh the ads are not posted presently, I still don't know how I would ever trust someone who has advertised sex online..... It just seems totally desperate and abit sad to me ...... We haven't slept together..... But I now have the thought in my head that might be what he was on the site in the first place for ..... I'm not sure how I am going to be able to look at him mext time I see him and its kind of changed my feelings towards him, but on the other hand what Iv seen of him is great..... I just don't want to take the chance on getting hurt again...... He's also been single for a long time
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female
reader, like I see it +, writes (9 July 2015):
 Not quite the same thing, but I did the Google check with a prospective partner about five years ago.
I really liked him and felt a lot of chemistry with him from our very first date. I was looking for a relationship, not a hookup, so I was dismayed to see that he had a profile on a casual dating site. He hadn't logged in since a few weeks before we met, but what bothered me was the clear statement in his profile that he wasn't interested in anything serious. He'd evidently considered that information correct and current just a few weeks prior to our first date.
Long story short, I chose to keep quiet and see what happened. It didn't seem fair to write someone who seemed like a really good guy off over something he'd never actually said to me or done while I knew him.
For all I know, he wasn't interested in anything serious with me either when we first met, but I never WILL know because we ended up together as a couple for over two years. He actually asked me to marry him at one point and I refused for logistical reasons (we were an international couple and I wouldn't have been able to work in my current field in his country). So much for not wanting anything serious, though!
I shared this story with you as an example of how people can and do change, and change their minds about things. We all have the friend who has sworn up and down that they don't believe in love, only to turn into a fountain of mushy photos and status updates when they finally meet the person who is right for them.
Obviously everyone has their own limits and deal-breakers when screening potential partners. In your case you know going in that you will have to be extra insistent on STD testing (which, honestly, should happen anyway) to make sure the past doesn't make its way into your future. Other than that, though, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt (unless there are other red flags you haven't mentioned). Based on the time frames you posted, it sounds like he hasn't used the hookup sites in 10 months. He QUIT using those sites for a reason; they obviously weren't working for him in some way. Maybe casual sex wasn't everything he thought it would be. It's quite possible that he's acting serious about you because... he's not ACTING, he's tired of NSA and ready for something more meaningful.
My last piece of advice would be this: as long as you're still wondering about his motives, take your time before sleeping with him. If he is genuinely interested he will wait. If he's trying to score another hookup, he should lose interest quickly. Either way, you will have an answer.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes with your decision!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2015):
 That would be a TOTAL turn off for me too. And I can't fault you for googling his e-mail/name either, I actually think that is a smart thing to do.
My worry would be that he HAS been doing causal hook up sex with people and MAY continue it on the side. Then there is the whole STD side of it.
I get that he might have tried hook-up sites (sex sites) because he wasn't PREVIOUSLY looking for a relationship, but maybe he still wanted his itch scratched or company. Maybe he thought it was "easier" to go on sex sites than dating sites.
Maybe it would be a GOOD idea to talk about boundaries (if you become a couple, but BEFORE sex) I mean if you two decide to BE with each other I would actually bring it up. As it's not really something you can "just" forget.
As for the "I don't want to get hurt" - no one does. Doesn't mean you have to stop living your life. There are no guaranties, sometimes you HAVE to step out of your comfort zone and give someone a chance.
You think HE might me worth that?
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