A
female
age
36-40,
*smellsnow
writes:I had a rough time last year, and vowed I'd spend 6 months without men, sorting my life out. In December a man chased me out of the pub and asked for my number. We went out and although I kept my distance, I fell in love with him totally. He told me he loved me, he cried a few times, because he loved me so much and he was offered a transfer at work so he was unsure what to do. He met my Daughter, he was just the nicest man I've ever met. Eventually I moved to be with him, he took time off work and came and moved my things and we started a life together. Then when he was at work, I did the local pub quiz with a female friend and we joined in with two lads, because of this he dumped me because of his own insecurities. I couldn't understand it. This was a few weeks ago, last night after doing some digging, I found out he's been happily married for 14 years. I want to know if it's all lies, I want to see him one last time for answers, is that wrong? And do i tell his wife?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 February 2013):
 you will never get the answers you want... no matter what... he will never be able to give you a good reason.
I'm sensing he dumped you not so much due to his insecurities as his wife getting close to figuring out what's going on.
I think you should live and learn... and use this as a tool
a man that is "too good to be true" usually is.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (20 February 2013):
 I can understand you wanting to see him for answers, but I don't think he'll give you any. I think him dumping you because of the pub quiz guys was an excuse - his way of getting out of affair that got out of hand.
I wouldn't be surprised if he's had affairs before. He sounds well practised. His wife probably knows or suspects anyway. You might feel like getting some revenge by getting him in trouble with his wife, but in the end (when you're over it) I think you'd be glad that you acted with dignity.
Not saying you shouldn't see him or even saying you shouldn't tell his wife, but I don't think it'll help you get over this. The best thing for that is no contact and time.
And to remind yourself that he's really not the nice man he portrayed himself to be: he's a shit. Walk away with your head high.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): I would love to say yes tell his wife she deserves to know, which she does and if I caught my husband up to something like that I dread to think what I would do with him!!!! but as it would me... it would probably destroy her and she hasnt done anything wrong so it wouldnt be fair. Cut contact with this loser and get on with your life. take it as a lesson and move forwards
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): That is why you do your digging on a guy BEFORE you get too involved.The man lied to you to get you in bed. Period.Don't be uprooting your life and your daughter's life for any man until you really know what type of guy you are dealing with. Do your detective work first. There are too many weirdos out there and you need to know who you are truly dealing with. Do a background check, Google his name (if he doesn't give you a false one), his address. Find out as much as you can about him and then his past history. You need to think of your daughter first and then yourself and you should be protecting both of yourselves before you let any man into your lives. Of course he was nice, they always are at first, to get your guard down, so that he can have sex with you. What a scumbag. He used you.Cut off all contact with this man right now and move on with your life. Be much more cautious next time around.There is no need to tell his wife. I am sure she suspects he is up to no good or she is burying her head in the sand in denial until reality really hits home.
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A
female
reader, ismellsnow +, writes (20 February 2013):
ismellsnow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I don't think I was quite clear, I was already moving, we just speeded the move up a bit incase he was being transferred. Yes everything was quite quick, but he was older, and stupidly i got taken in. He made friends with everyone in our local pub, played the doting boyfriend, etc, there was nothing to suspect!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): Of course it was all lies, the guy is a whingy fucking crying little dick too. He cried he loved me so much, oh please, he cried because he was a fucking sleazy weasel.
It sucks that this happened OP, but move on. You know it was all lies because he's married, do you really want him to turn on the water works again, tell you he really meant all his shit? What would that accomplish OP, you may actually end up believing him somehow.
No, don't tell his wife anything. She did nothing wrong to you so there's no need to hurt her, she'll find out herself.
OP this is a hell of a lot of shit, really fast with this guy.
Just under two months and you love him, moved you and your daughter to be with him etc. Way too fast.
You really need to examine how this all went, you didn't even know the guy before you moved all your shit and fell straight in love and assumed he was the nicest guy ever.
2 fucking months and this guy was crying? He had bad news written all over him.
Forgive me OP but you really need to learn how to date and pace yourself better. It sounds like you think with your heart and not your head, I mean you even want to ask him if it was all lies, 2 fucking months OP, what the hell?
Move on, walk away, and seriously learn your lessons here. You don't need to take 6 months away from guys but you seriously need to learn how to protect yourself and to make guys prove themselves first.
Honestly do you not see anything wrong with how fast you just gave up everything to be with him? Shit if crying is all it takes to make women think I love them after a month then count me in baby, I want a harem of them.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 February 2013):
 Close this chapter of your life all in one fell-swoop:
This guy is a DOG.... and you need only to get away from him and never look back. Don't waste your time with "one last time"... since you can be quite sure that he will lie about anything you ask, anyway. Don't bother telling his wife.... she may not care... may know about his infidelities ... and, he'll lie about them to her, too...
Get on with YOUR LIFE.... and don't worry about finding a great partner.... when it's your time (to find one) the Good Lord will see that you get put in touch with him...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013): You should. NO two ways about it. He cheated on her and treated you like crap, so he's a dog doo of the Highest order. Contact his wife with proof and warn her straightaway. Nobody deserves to waste their lives with an emotionally insecure wreck and compulsive cheat.
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