A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to tell my new boyfriend about my past but did not know if i should tell him or that he would not want to know about my past or when was the best time to tell him and had thought about telling him as i know a guy that works for him that knows about my past and to put it bluntly i was with a married man that nothing ever happened between us as i saw the light and got out of it and met this married man after my sister died and was on treatment for depression and my new boyfreind was contacted by this guy giving him all the details about this married man and now my boyfreind says that we are just about done between us in case i decide to take on another married man while we are together and says that he feels like i have hurt him beyond beleif as the village idiot of his company told him before i did, when i sent him a text to say how sorry i was for the whole situation to him he replied with come over and get your gear out of my place and get out of my life! i have yet to go over to his place as i trying to figure out what is the best way to stop me loosing him out of my life.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): "as the village idiot of his company told him before i did"
Many times I don't think women realize just how deeply this sort of thing cuts. It is humiliating for a guy to be the last one to know about his woman's sordid history.
Sometimes this gets written off as a "male ego problem". But that is not fair. Most women aren't too happy when their man publicly humiliates them and shows no understanding or remorse about it.
A
male
reader, Zemllacyeht  +, writes (4 November 2014):
You should've been open and upfront before hand, now it looks like you hid this from him. Trust is broken and you didn't give him the option to accept you for who you are in the beginning
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 November 2014):
Some things are deal breakers. You have them, I have them, we all have them.
Apparently this is one of his. Time to move on.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (4 November 2014):
Even if you did date a married guy in the past, that is where it is: in the past. This man is way too judgemental and it says a lot about his so called morality, that he blindy believes some rumours without as much as asking you about it.
My advice: pick up your stuff, let him know that you didnt realise he was a bigot, and get him out of your life. You deserve better and you dont need someone who behaves like this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 November 2014):
For some, dating a married guy is a no-no. I think it just comes down to values and morals. And if nothing happened I can't see why you should have had to lay out your whole past for a BF's approval.
Go get your stuff and find a LESS judgmental guy. Procrastinating about picking up your stuff won't make him change his mind.
This man isn't a keeper, he CHOSE to JUDGE you based on rumors he heard, rumors that may or may not be true.
So I'd MOVE on ASAP.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (4 November 2014):
 I am afraid there is not much you can do as he is not prepared to accept your past. You should however tell him when you go to collect that its unfortunate he chose to end things without giving you chance to explain and further if his feelings are that shallow then you both are best apart. I guess you also need to accept that it is over and move on. You have apologised and he is being stubborn. Let him go and move on. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. Just some people's skeletons remain in the cupboard and other get washed out as dirty laundry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2014): Have someone else go to his place and collect your gear. Do not contact him, do not apologise any more. If he is a new boyfriend, he has not earned the right to your private information about your past yet. It is not something you tell everybody, he needs to earn your trust before you have to share private things about your PAST. Unless he asked you specific questions, you did not have to have told him yet. If what he has learned about you, is something he can not deal with, then there is nothing you can do to change that. You can not change your past. I think he should have had the decency to discuss this with you, and check he had the right and true information. He could have also asked for your side of the story.The best case scenario, is he will calm down, he will gather himself, and he will realize he may have over reacted. There is nothing you can do to persuade him, and it is best you have your things collected from his house and give him lots of space.
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