A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there is this girl I know in college, we met the first week but don't see each other much. We ran into each other at a few parties where she sent me signals (commenting on stuff that she likes about me, like the fact that I'm writing a book) or brushed against me repeatedly.For whatever reason, I never caught on. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty naive when it comes to women. I figured it was a mishap or that she was just trying to get alcohol from me or something.Flash forward to the next semester, she starts inviting herself on our drives (there isn't much to do where we live). She remembers obscure details about me, asks me about the fraternity I'm in, etcetera. We run into each other at a party some weeks into this and I invite her upstairs with some friends.She is VERY outgoing, generally, and was being hit on by nearly every guy in the room. She didn't seem to be bothered by it, but when I asked her for her number or about her life back home she got really quiet and gave me short answers.I noticed her and our mutual friend laughing to themselves when they saw me, and may have heard "Should I think anything of it?" from her. I have approach anxiety and it was literally eating away at me at this point. I REALLY wanted to talk to her but didn't know what to say.Flashforward, I start asking her to come hang out on a more regular basis. She usually answered in the affirmative, all the way up until I came back with her and her friend to their dorm to hang out and watch a scary movie. For whatever reason, she seemed like she didn't actually want to watch it when we got up there so I got uncomfortable and left (I saw them laughing again).And here is where I think it all went wrong - she found out that one of my fraternity brothers was someone she had been involved with the previous semester. That got even worse when the three of us coincidentally ran into each other at the same party. They interacted more than we did, and it got me upset (probably noticeably). Her twitter feed became riddled with talk of how embarrassing the night was.Finally, I sent her a text inviting her out one night and got excuses. I poked fun at how I'm probably getting on her nerves and she didn't respond. I hadn't talked to her for two weeks after that, figuring it was time to just move on.Then I run into her again last night, and she's not just not engaging me first, she even looks annoyed that when I initiate at all. She agrees to go to a party with me in the future "if she isn't working", and says "we never hang out!" when I comment that we don't talk enough.So I've gone and invited her to hang again today, but I'm not really sure what I'm even doing anymore. My friends think I should just forget about it because I didn't get it faster. What do you think?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2013): She's a flake who can't communicate clearly. In other words, the same as 90 percent of all girls in your age range. Move along.You have honorable intentions, and that's good. Keep it up.She probably didn't have honorable intentions. I ran into a lot of women like that when I was your age; took me a long time to figure out that the hot-then-cold-after-a-period thing was likely because they wanted some ass and nothing more; they were too afraid to admit it due to slut-shaming; I was too "timid" or "pure as the driven snow" in their view, and so they moved along. Rather more accurately: I had principles, and I wasn't a man-skank. But at that age, I had women on my pedestal, as asexual goddesses; it never crossed my mind they'd be looking for physical whatever. But that's due to the Catholic ethos I grew up in. Naivete regarding women, as you put it, and this mindset go together.As far physical possibilities with her: that train departed long ago, in her mind; window is closed. That's how women are. You get a nanosecond of a timeslot to prove yourself as a sexual pursuer with confidence. Not that we're actually thinking about such things constantly or always ready for the pounce; that's ridiculous. But their instinct is unforgiving. When your nanosecond window opens, it's showtime or it's no time. Most of us have no clue that the window even exists. During that window, women don't reward politeness or deference. It's rather messed up, but I have found zero exceptions to this behavior. It is ingrained; it is core instinct in them.As a sidenote: she is likely seeing other men right now. Plural. That sort of a personality does.Leave her alone. If she initiates anything in the future, I wouldn't reciprocate. Just sort of ignore it, brush it aside politely, or be above it. Never be desperate with any woman. It's beneath you.Good luck with the art studies and career.
A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (6 May 2013):
 You need to forget about her. She doesn't sound interested in you romantically and some if those weird moments have probably ruined your chances of friendship.
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