A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Aaah, help!I am having a relationship with a man who has two teenage boys. We don't live together. That was my choice as I don't wish to lose my independence but I suffer from anxiety.My partner can be pretty lazy. He doesn't work at the moment due to work being so scarce and he thinks its okay to play on computer games for hours at a time.I do voluntary work and am returning to uni in September. I am trying to find part-time work to build up confidence. I write every day, apply for jobs and am preparing for university.My partner won't change in terms of his laziness...I know I have to change my perspective to cope with it, and any guidance would be appreciated.Plus he has his sons at weekends but he still stays in bed while they wake me up! Half past six on a Sunday morning is not fun and I end up tired and stressed, but he doesn't even get disturbed.I try all I can to get out more and do more despite anxiety and my partner can be very supportive but it is all down to me to get us to do anything...he wouldn't do anything if left up to him. He may be partly depressed but I don't actually think this is a problem for him. I have a degree in Psychology and experience.I desperately want more of a life, perhaps that way this wouldn't get me down. But I have tried everything; the library, groups, societies...absolutely everything you can think of. I never give up. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): My honest answer is you two are so different and there are two things here:
1) Him. You have to stop and think is this really really worth it for me? Is this what i want? He is more than happy to have you run around etc.
I hate to say it but being lazy means more lazy. How well does he eat?- try getting him on vitamin supplements. They can work wonders for lethargy and feelings of being down.(I have a foodie background so tend to see nutrition as important).
Otherwise talk have a serious talk and say he is 50% of the relationship- was does he actually bring to it? He can bring more. The video games thing is so dangerous.
2) You. You have had the intelligence to get a degree, the confidence to write here as well as an ability to spot something is wrong and how to fix it, so you should be proud and very pleased.
I Don't think there is anything wrong with you. I think he is sapping your strength. What are you like together? I think you are doing the right things. How about sports in some way - maybe Yoga \ Tai chi to start? The comment about vitamins applies to you to.
- i think when you get to uni you will enter a different world - go and enjoy it, sigh so many opportunities at all ages. Get out and meet people - we are Monkeys after all and need to interact.
Hugs Star.x.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (8 March 2009):
 Some harsh words need to be said! He needs to stop being so lazy and he needs to take care of HIS kids! You are doing everything you can but you need to have a stern conversation with him! He sounds like an idiot! X
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