A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok... My ex-girlfriend and I broke up in February, but have remained in contact. We lived together for a year before breaking up. We spoke over the phone semi-regularly but for 6 months we never really saw eachother. We work together but are in 2 completely different departments. Recently we started hanging out again and of course one thing led to another. I'm finding that I still have some feelings for her, but I know the relationship would never work. Well, last night we had the company Christmas party which I did not attend due to the fact that I did not want to see people hit on her. She calls me today and says she may have been unintentionally flirty with a guy in my department. She also made it a point to tell me she thought he was "kind of cute". Of couse I am immediately filled with jealousy. I know we aren't together, and I shouldn't be getting upset over something like this but I can't help it. She brought a female friend to the party with her so she wasn't alone. Then she tells me that she got too drunk to the point that another co-worker drove her car and brought her and her friend home. She swears nothing happened with the guy but he did stay over. She claims that she slept on the couch and he on the floor. I can't believe that I am letting this get to me as we have been broken up for almost a year. Being a guy I'm sure I will hear about some of this at work tomorrow. I'm not very good at hiding my emotions so I am really dreading what I may hear tomorrow and how I will react. Another thing I should say is that since we broke up I haven't been with anyone other than her. I'm a very nervous guy when it comes to talking to attractive girls. Before her and I started dating I had to ask a friend for Xanax just to talk to her - as she is extremely attractive. After a week or so of taking Xanax before going out with her I stopped taking it. I guess this is more than one question. I could really use the help in dealing with my jealousy and feelings towards this situation. I could also use some help in getting back on my feet, which I have yet to do. I would greatly appreciate any input you guys could have for me.
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at work, broke up, christmas, co-worker, drunk, ex girlfriend, flirt, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (15 December 2008):
Man she's playing you like a piano! She does this because she can... Anytime she has an itch she knows where to go to get it scratched... When she's bored she gives you a call to "hangout". When she's not bored she goes out with her friends and lives her own life while you sit at home blowing up her cell... and her and all those guys she flirting with at the club and bar are laughing each and every time her cell phone rings... then she goes home and cslls you and says how mcuh fun she had with her crushes and her flirtations... but there was no sex and she loves you? or you say she says that... love, wow it's powerful and bigger than what it sounds like and looks like when it's coming out her mouth... love does not offend it doesn't hurt... hate to break it to you are just a joke... She's treating you like a sucker! I guarrantee that her and her friends get together and laugh about what a fool she thinks you are... and as for stalking her phone... you cannot have a relationship unless there's trust and since she broke the trust there's no relationship... get over her... when you stop letting your feelings for cloud your better judgement and think back on everything that she's done to you and that's just what you know, trust that there's tons of stuff you don't... I hope I gave you some perspective!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took the Xanax years ago and have not taken it since. I don't feel I need the Xanax to talk to girls. I only stated that to show how nervous I am in that situation. I don't need any drugs to interact with society. I know girls like the confident type, and I am most certainly far from it. I've been told I'm good looking but I still can't manage to get the confidence up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do think she still has feelins for me, as the last time we hung out she was very lovey-dovey towards me and told me she loved me a few times. I know I will always love her aswell. There are several reasons I feel the relationship couldn't work. For starters she cheated on me about 3 months into the relationship. She told me the night it happened and felt really bad about it so I forgave her. Plus I was completely in love with her. She however, doesn't consider it cheating because "we weren't really serious", and she said she thought she had feelings for him but realized after the fact that she didn't. During the course of our relationship she was mentally abusive towards me. Little things like not returning the cable box one day caused her to tell me I was "a loser and good for nothing" - this even though I had 30 days to return the box. The bitter end of our relationship came when upon returning from a 13 hour road trip she was out drinking with co-workers. She told me she would be home at around 9 p.m. I called her several times as I got closer to home but she never answered. When I got back, I went to the place where she originally was only to find it was closed. I called her again and again, but she didn't pick up. It wasn't until almost midnight when she finally called. She ended up going back to the sales guys hotel to have some drinks at the bar with them. These guys all cheat on their wives and had been hitting on her at work. She loves attention so she never made it a point to stop it. A few days later she revealed she had a crush on 2 of them and could possibly cheat on me. So for that reason I decided to end it. I didn't want to as I loved her, but I didn't want to continue to get hurt. Any time she went out she would never pick up her phone. She went to clubs all the time without me and I would be wondering what was going on until she called me at 3 a.m. pretty much everytime. She is very flirty so I never knew what was going on. One night she ran into an ex-boyfriend and hung out with him after the club. I almost think she enjoyed making me jealous. I do think she still loves me but I know if we were back together there would always be the possibility of her cheating on me. I certainly do not want to get hurt again. Sorry for the long response but this might give better insight on the situation. Thank you very much for your advice.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (14 December 2008):
 You sound as if the meeting up with your ex girlfriend is on a 'friendship' basis only, but it can't happen for you as you are being drawn into the strong feelings that you once had with her. For someone like you to try to say that 'you aren't together' but are still having sexual relationships means that you cannot handle that. I would suggest that you dont have sexual relations with her unless you have a committment from her as it is just hurting you and messing your mind up. She on the other hand is taking it at face value and is living her life as a single person with no ties.
You either have an 'on' relationship or an 'off', because for you it will just destroy you. You need to know where you stand.
I think this girl knows exactly what she is doing by toying with your emotions. These kinds of relationships alway end up with heartache as we are not robots and feelings are real. I wonder also if you know the effects of taking Xanax especially if it hasnt been prescribed by a doctor for you. You must try to sort this out without the help of drugs so that you are fully informed of where you go from here with a clear mind.
hope this helps.
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