A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here's my problem. My gf and I have been dating for a little over a year now, at the begining of the relationship I asked the inevitable question " how many men have you slept with"?. She asked me to answer the question first, I told her 80 women as any man would exaggerate a bit ( my real number is about 35-45 ). She felt open enough to tell me her number, 50 men. It was shocking for me to here such a high number. For some stupid reason I needed to know about all of her past sexual experiences. I wanted to know if I had the biggest penis she ever had sex or anything with? She told me no, she wasn't sure but I was in the top ten if not number 4. I wish she just lied and told me I was the biggest! She then told me about the time she went to Australia and screwed 3 guys in a 6 week period. Then their was the Greek model from Athens, the guy in the army when visiting japan. Oh yeah one if the guys from Australia had sex with her in 10 minutes of meeting her at the bar outside, then she went back to the bar to party! Point is she doesn't lie and I can't handle it! I asked all these questions when I didn't really care about her, now her past is killing me inside. It's not fair to her but I really wanted her to tell me I was the best in bed, biggest penis, best looking, best body, etc. I never got one title( childish I know ). I made her go through her sexual past and tell me everything. Her past haunts me everyday! How do I deal with this? Help please!
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her past, period, sexual past Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.....(about her not you) I would feel the same way....
A
male
reader, Iroh  +, writes (9 July 2010):
Don't worry, you aren't being childish. It is just something hard to hear the truth. I would like to be the most intelligent man in the worlds. But I am not. I have to live with, change it by working hard, or collapse myself. Choose one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): If anyone's insecure, it's the OP, lying about his past to sound better and wishing that his girlfriend would lie to him so that he would feel better about himself.Antiasexual is on point.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Antiasexual, I think you might be a little too insecure to handle the idea that not everyone thinks & feels like you do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Just having 10 partners is above average. You're both way up there.
Remember that it's totally normal to feel this way. People, especially men, were never designed to be happy about their partner having slept with lots of others. It goes against how our personalities function.
It's tempting to keep asking, but finding out more details from her will not help you now. I think it would be better to find a way to view her past in a different light than just trying to "block it out" entirely.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 July 2010):
I've been in your shoes before. I moved on - numbers like that just arent for me and I realize it. Those decisions have led me to someone where I dont need to worry about her past. There is no "dealing with it," no images in my head, and carrying around that baggage.
Moving on from women whos past Ive had a problem with was the best decisions of my life, because now all I have is bliss.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Funny,,,you have an honest girl who you wish lied more, and I have a bit of a "truth-hider" GF who I wish was mroe honest. I know my GF has had partners she is not telling me about, but I let it go. You will not find out everything about her past, so let it go. You got a number, and some comparison statistics...that's pretty good, if you ask me. Why the hell did you exaggerate so much? I'd go back and tell he the truth. Chances are, she is downplaying her number anyway, as most women do. As for the penis size thing...most women do not care. My GF's ex was huge and I am average, and she very convincingly tells me I'm teh best out of the 5 guys she claims to have had sex with. How do you think I feel finding Magnum XL coindoms in her drawer and multiple bottles of lube? You need to accept who you are, that you may not be the biggest or the baddest, but you can have the hugest sex organ...the brain, and you can go deeper into her than a big penis by reaching her heart. I know how you feel...you'll always want to be that best fuck...but if a woman loves you, you WILL be the best lover, and great lovers trump the big cock every time...right girls? Now if this great lover only had a 9 inch cock, I'd be set :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Be thankfull that you've found yourself a truthfull woman who cannot tell a lie. She will never cheat on you or betray you. Ok, so your not the biggest or the best, but your the one she wants to be with. That's the best present, she could be with any of these "studs", but no, whatever you got it's so damn special that she'd rather be with you. That my friend is all you need to know.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 You are now unfortunately reaping what you have sewn. Asking those questions is VERY dangerous, as you are now finding out.
There's very little you can do. Once you know, you'll always no, it's not possible to forget.
Thinking about it is only going to make things worse. You have to learn to let go and not care. Otherwise, if you keep thinking about it you'll just go deeper and deeper into a hole. There is no way to see these things as good! Of course you're not going to like her having been with other men. Any way you look at it, it's going to hurt. You have to learn to not look at it.
When the thoughts and feelings come, try to distract yourself. Don't give in to the urge to focus on them: rather quickly grab something else that you are interested in. It can be anything: just make it something nothing to do with her.
It's not easy, but it is possible. I had the same experience as you, and have written a lot in the past here about ways to achieve what i've just described. Look through my post history if you feel like it.
Good luck
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (8 July 2010):
 So the real problem is the fact that she wouldn't stroke your ego after you fished for compliments, and instead told you the truth? You got exactly what you asked for, she can't be expected to automatically lie just for your sake. The important thing is she's with you now, not the other men.
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (8 July 2010):
 I guess I would just say realize that she is going through the same thing you are. Your guys numbers are pretty similar so that means you have probably seen much better bodies then hers, better looking vaginas, girls with better skills in bed, prettier faces. She knows that if you have had a lot of partners that she comes up short in some areas.
I understand the frustration. I've asked boyfriends things about their pasts and it irritated the hell out of me later, knowing the truth. And it never goes away but you have to get to a point where you realize that the person is with you now. If she wanted Australian bar guy, she would go hunt him down. If she wanted biggest penis number 1 she would go hunt him down. But she has chosen you and that makes you the winner in that field.
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A
female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (8 July 2010):
you have to put this behind you to be honest i would never ask "The question" because to be honest its none of my business as long as he doesnt have an STI or is a virgin thats the only time it would be appropriate to know. You have to get over this if you love your girlfriend she is with you for a reason
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Hiya i dont think you need to worry...these people that she has went with in the past she has not had a proper relationship with-that shows that you must have something these guys havent.
Although you may not have gained a 'title' you have the package and tbh the package is better!!!!
It doesnt matter how big ure dick is its how you use it, it doesnt matter if you eent a model she MUST find u attractibe!!
I think you should speak to her nad tell her how it bothers you and make her right a list of what she likes about you-i think you will find theres alot more she likes about you than any of these guys!!!
Goodluck!!!
xxx
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A
female
reader, loraemoon +, writes (8 July 2010):
 im the same my boyfriends past haunts me every day and i know this sounds silly i wish i could change it,but we cant we have to deal with it, its hard dealing with this when you love someone so much and can make you feel very insecure but as i try telling myself every day,, hes with me now, you gotta try and think the same way even though it hurts, my boyfriend is a few yrs younger than me and that puts plenty of doubt through my mind every day it haunts me thinking he may want someone else but hes still here good luck
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