A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is is bad to want sex more than twice a week?I could easily go it at least twice a day however my boyfriend thinks that is ridiculous. I am a reasonable guy and understand we're different and by no means expect us to ever have sex two or more times a day. Compromise though, I think, would put it at more than his once or twice a week.We even went to a relationship councillor but that just gave him justification that he is normal and perfect and I am overdone. The councillor thought twice a week was "quite a lot" (seriously?).My boyfriend even goes as far as to say I am a sex addict for wanting sex on a regular basis. At the end of all this I feel BAD, sometimes REALLY BAD, for wanting to be intimate with my partner.I take care of myself most days, often twice a day, and for a while I even did that twice every single day to try and wear off the edge but all it did was make me depressed. I don't want to masturbate, I want to have sex. If masturbation was so satisfying no one would want sex.I've told him this but since I want it so much it is sort of left as "my" problem. Far out, what is a guy to do!? We're both guys by the way (gay), although that is probably irrelevant.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): You are who you are, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex twice a day. Your partner is just not compatible sexually with you.I like a lot of sex, but my Ex only wanted it once or twice a month. I have to agree that masturbation is not as satisfying as intimacy with your partner. Luckily now my Wife who I have been with for two and a half years, like's sex as much as I do, so we have it every day. Sometimes even up to 3 or 4 times!! Unfortunately you can't make someone do something they don't want to do, because it will just cause problems and ultimately will end in failed relations.If you have discussed this with your partner and all he can do is call you a sex addict, then does he really care about you at all??Maybe you should consider finding another partner if he is not at all willing to compromise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): Twice a day is completely normal for you (and doesn't strike me as over-sexed), and twice a week is normal for him (not exactly unusual either, it doesn't make him a prude).
So what's needed is compromise. If you otherwise have a good relationship and get on really well, then it would be a shame to split up over this issue. However, it's obvious that you've tried to talk this through and, obviously, in practise, where there is a marked difference in sex drive, it will be the less sexually driven party who 'wins' out, since people only have sex when BOTH of them want to. It also sounds like it's become a source of friction and unpleasantness.
So it boils down to Ittihad's equation: either you accept things the way they are, or split up and get another man. (The third option is to get what you need on the side, but that's called cheating and wouldn't be fair on your man).
And you've no idea how much I emphasise. I want it pretty much every day and night, and have a closeted partner (I don't know if you could even call him a boyfriend) who has me kind of confined to two nights a week while he pretends to be straight the rest of the time. The two nights are completely worth the wait (and a bit of feverish waiting can be a good thing) but I absolutely ache for it on the other five nights and it can be total agony.
I wish you luck. You can't force him to have sex when he doesn't want to. But don't let him tell you you're 'ridiculous' for wanting more.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Twice a week is not a lot, though it's more than I had with my ex (who was a once/week person). I was frustrated and sad, but that's just how she was. (I'm straight, but don't think it has much bearing on this.) I do not think 2x/week is "quite a lot", but it's certainly more than some people get even though it's less than you or I would like.
Ultimately, it comes to the advice I find myself giving more than any other: You cannot change a person unless he WANTS to change. Your partner does not want more sex than once or twice a week and doesn't think he's wrong and won't consider compromise. So even if you nag, bribe, beg, or pray... this is all he's willing to give.
This sadly leaves you with two choices: 1) Accept that this is all there is and all there will likely ever be and just be happy with him regardless, or 2) Find someone more in line with your desires.
Either you have to live with it, or you can't live with it. I'm sorry, truly, but people really don't change just because you want, or even need, them to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2009): My partner is happy having sex once or twice a month and it seems to suit him fine! But i feel its really not enough and would be much happier having sex once or twice a day. And no way do i think im a sex addict. Ive decided we just arent sexually compatible in that area and i guess its the same for you two. If youve tried counselling and that hasnt worked then its a difficult problem to sort out. Clearly hes not willing to compromise by meeting you half way and it becomes rather off putting when you find yourself almost begging. I found over time that my pride kicked in and i stopped asking and slowly lost interest in him. Now hes noticing and hes becoming more interested. Go figure! Maybe try that, ease the pressure and see if it gives him a wake up call! x
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 December 2009):
 Hun, it sounds like your partner has a much lower sex drive than you do... and I am surprised at the counsellor thinking 2x a week was quite a lot!!!
Does your partner suffer from any medical condition, or is on any medication as this plays a major role in decreasing ones libido..
Perhaps a visit to a sex therapist might help??
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