A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi,I met a girl a couple of weeks ago, and we've been seeing eachother regularly. Our usual evening plan is to go to her apartment, eat some food, watch a film, have sex, and go to sleep. They've really been wonderful evenings. When this started, we both knew that whenever she moves to a new job, and I move to university, we wouldn't be able to continue our relationship. So, I guess you could say that we're "temporarily dating". It's not perfect, but as I mentioned, we have a wonderful time in eachother's company.Something has gotten in the way of that however. This past week, due to being crowded by friends, we've had little time alone together. Two of the people who hung out with us were a couple until yesterday (lets just call them Tom and Lisa), and that's where troubles began. Me and my girlfriend went out for my best friend's leaving party (he's going to university). Tom met with us and told us that he and Lisa had finished with eachother after 6 months. They had had several arguments that week alone. I was very tired on this evening, and struggled to enjoy it and make conversation with people. My girlfriend was very drunk by the end of the night, and in the end, Tom asked if he could come back to the apartment with us and she said 'yes'.By the time we got back it was about 3am, and I was very tired. My girlfriend said I should go to bed, so we said goodnight and I went to the bedroom. I felt that something was wrong, so I got up and went into the living room. From the doorway, I saw Tom and my girlfriend in eachother's arms, and they were kissing. I had no idea what to do. I made my presence known and my first reaction was to put my shoes on and get ready to get the hell out of there. Several conversations followed between me, Tom and my girlfriend. They insisted that it was only "friendly", but I saw them do it again later that night. In the end, I went to bed, and they stayed up all night talking.I woke up feeling really hurt, and had to leave for work, leaving her and Tom alone in the apartment. It was a very long day at work, and I felt very sick. This evening she phoned me and told me how sorry she was. She insists that she hasn't the faintest idea why things turned out the way they did, and how she doesn't want things to end between us this way. We both seem to be in the same frame of mind that neither of us ever want to see or hear of Tom again. And of course, after everything that happened, that's understandable. I consider him the villain. My girlfriend is by no means innocent, but I want to be able to forgive her for the sake of enjoying what could be a very nice final week together.I want to know what your opinions are. Am I wrong for wanting to continue with somebody despite the fact that she did something very stupid? The way I see it is that things weren't going to work out for long, and there's no real reason to leave things a horrible mess when we can try and move on from it and have a nice week with eachother. Am I crazy? I'm still very tired. It's been a very rough day for me, and I would just like other people's perspectives.
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at work, best friend, drunk, kissing, move on, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 September 2008):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, I went round to her house last night. We had a lovely evening together. It seemed no different from when before all this occurred. We watched some stand-up comedy, she made pizza and Garlic bread, she gave me a card and some presents that she'd got for me about a week ago (after everything that happened recently it was nice to receive them at the time I did), we watched a scary film and went to bed together. It was just a great night .
I still don't fully know how I feel after all this. I don't want anybody to think that I'm a doormat in simply trying to forgive her for happened. I'm certain I won't forget about it, but I'm sure I can forgive her. This is purely because our relationship is short-term. If it had been possible for us to try and endure a long distance relationship, I believe I would have called it quits straight after it had occurred. If she can't control herself when I'm out of the room, then there won't be any controlling her when she's on the other end of the country.
What do you think? Is it a fair plan to continue this for the short time we have left, given that we have a fantastic time whenever we get together?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Forgiveness is a hard road to hold. But it's worth it in the end.
Don't throw away a prefectly good relationship over a single, drunken infraction.
Now, if they had slept together... that would be different. But luckily, they didn't.
So the right thing to do would be to forgive both... but warn them that you will NOT be so lenient next time. And that if they ven so much much as utter a word to each other ever again, then you will end the relationship without a moment's pause and ensure that their lives are miserable for as long as you live.
Flynn 24
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): You're not crazy man. You're very hurt and betrayed. It's the worst feeling in the world. She has been a right cow - he is a shite and could not have done what he did if she didn't let him.
I see it as a very sad end to a relationship which just may have had some substance beyond what you expected. She has put paid to all that. I am sorry for you, your feelings are in shreds but you gotta move on. The hurt will go, the memory won't. Put it down to one of life's experiences. Just try to remember the good times.
Good luck for the future, mate.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (6 September 2008):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question*To explain, Tom is not the friend who we were holding a leaving party for.
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