A
female
age
51-59,
*usymum
writes:This is a follow up to a question posted yesterday. I confronted my partner as advised but he completely denied having an affair. He said the woman who told me is just obsessed with him and is just trying to break us up. I dont know whether to believe him or not. I want to believe him because we have a good life together but I need to know for sure. How can I be sure. If it has ended I will never know the truth. I am so confused. He says he loves me and would never do anything to hurt me but the woman sounded so convincing and there have been other signs of an affair too. How do I find out the real truth?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I found out a year ago today, my husband persisted and told me I was crazy it wasnt true so I investigated and would not give up, I felt bad at the time because in a way I didnt want to believe it my husband and were so close he was my soulmate we had been through so much together how could he betray me, But he did He went to Portugal and in the 2 weeks away i investigated my ass offf and found the whore she told me everything I was devastated I called him back home and we both cried,,,I told him it was over my heart just ached I truly wanted to die if it wasnt for my kids I could someone I love so much do this, the woman I met her in person a true description of a skank he met on the internet 3 kids shes a crack addict, and looks it my husband doesnt smoke, drink is a neat freak and this woman was as low as they come....I am still with him he never leaves my side now and has begged me to stay he has told me to forgive him......so I am trying but my heart will never be the same if you feel something is wrong it is follow your instincts I did Look up the computer, cell phones get a computer investigator you will be surprised Good Luck and God Bless
Ps Do You have any children if you dont leave dont put up with the heartache....................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hi There,
I read your previous message and I agree with the posts here as well, you need to confront him.
It's a shame that he is trying to brush it off, but sadly that seems to be a common reaction from cheating partners who are caught out, going by some of the messages on here.
My advice would be to trace the woman through his workplace, she shouldn't be that difficult to find, if she works with him and she has already spoken to you.
I would contact her and ask her to verify what exactly has been going on, and also to verify it to your husband as well.
You will get to the bottom of it, good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): I'd say from experience, never trust people when it comes to the stupid, selfish decisions they make. Buy yourself a LandAirSea GPS tracking key (about $229 if you shop well) and plant it under the dash of his car. Change the batteries about once a week and download his routes onto your computer...if he's making stops over at that girls' place for long periods of time, or leaving work way earlier than he told you he did, he's probably cheating. If he's got a cell phone that you can access the bill online from, download a free key logger program from the net, install it on your computer and get his password. Check his cell bill for the girl's number, and see if he was the one that kept calling her, or if they'd talk long amounts of time whenever she called. Seems sneaky and control freakish? Think about how much time and life you might waste with someone who's fooling around on you, compared to any moral qualms you have. Good luck, kiddo.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Do you know his email password? You can check your phone records and cell phone records if you share an acount. You could follow him or have friends follow him to see if he goes where he says hes going and if he goes alone. People who have affairs lie. My husband of twenty years is cheating on me and my therapist says that all people who have affairs lie. They become very good at it. Is he hot and cold? Does he bring you gifts sometimes? Mine did that to make up for his guilty feelings after spending the weekend with his girlfriend. Have other habits changed? You might be trying to ignore signs or block it out because its realy painful once you realize that its for real. It hurts more than you can imagine. And mine is having so much fun with his girlfriend he dosent care that hes hurting me, which isn't normal for him. He's like a different person now.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 I don't think you are ever going to know for sure unless you find some concrete evidence that he is having an affair. You mention that there have been signs of him having an affair, what are they?. I think you have got to look out for a change in behaviour, is he despondant torwards you? Is he away alot, like staying late a work, and going out for long periods?. Is he posessive over emails or text messages or when his mobile rings, if he is then thats a sure sign someone is hiding something. Give him the benefit of the doubt until you find some rock hard evidence that suggests foul play.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Just don't take no for an answer. Show him that you weren't born yesterday and that you are not stupid. Don't be hysterical or anything, but just let him know that you are not stupid. Clearly he is lying. And tell him that you want to know the truth and just go on and on about how you have always been so honest with him and you just can't believe that he would lie to you.
And make him explain why this girl is calling and how come he never mentioned that she was obsessed with him.
And just keep pressing the subject. Because in light of what happened, he should be acting VERY understanding right now. If some girl called my house saying something like that, my boyfriend BETTER be as humble as possible about it and agree to do whatever it takes to convince me that he is innocent.
So just make him do whatever it takes to convince you.
Cause if some girl called my house and said that are you kidding that any woman or guy in their right mind would just brush it off and be ok with a simple "oh she's just obsessed with me." NO. He is going to have to try alot harder than that to convince you.
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