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I checked her phone and found explicit sexual texts from a couple of guys, one who I had met in my/our home.

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 August 2007) 4 Answers - (Newest, 25 August 2007)
A male United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

I'm a 55 year old man and I've been in a relationship with a woman 25 years younger for the last 10 years we live together and have an 11 month old boy. Recently her behaviour was particularly guarded towards her mobile phone, constant buzzing of messages being received and message sending, as she has a history of dalliances, I checked her phone and found explicit sexual texts from a couple of guys, one who I had met in my/our home, the other was unknown to me, when I confronted her she said that it wasn't how it looked, it was all a game and all parties knew that it was just fun and who could be the dirtiest. Now I really want to believe her, but I really have a problem with this, she tells me that there has been no physical relationship with these guys (she would say that) since some heavy conversations between us she has now started to text me and I have responded and can say have enjoyed it enormously.

Is she pulling the wool over my eyes?

Advice would be great

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

It isn't your fault, if you are being 100% faithful to her what you did when you were younger isn't why she's doing this. I guess it comes down to the fact that she's almost 1/2 your age and not as mature as you. Or she has a higher sex drive b/c she's younger. Why don't you consider dating an older woman, one who wants the same things as you? Are you supporting this woman financially? If so, I would guess that is why she's with you, but she may be trying to look elsewhere in the mean time. Obviously she has no respect for your feelings, as she's receiving these dirty texts from other men when she's with you. She thinks she can do what she wants and you won't tell her to leave. Perhaps you should.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your reply, I tend to agree, only this morning we had a little scene because she was guarding her phone, and I took it from her and there was an innocuous message from one of the guys, but any messages she may have sent have been deleted. Very suspicious behaviour in my opinion. I really don't know how to deal with this problem. sometimes I wonder if I project things, I have a checkered history of affairs in my previous marriage, but as I've got older I've realised the error of my ways and I just don't do those things anymore, if I want out I say I want out, no games, no duplicity, it's painful and unkind to all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007):

dirty texting with other people is cheating, she needs to stop this immediately, this is not fair to you. Does she think it's o..k. if you text other girls?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

I don't know if she's lying. But if she is with you, wether it's a "game" or not...she's with you and has a young child. She is 30 years old. She needs to grow up! I could see her dirty texting you for some spice in your relationship because you're together. But it is not acceptable for her to be doing this with other men. And she is too old to be partying. Especially with other guys. I would not trust her behavior.

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