A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When me and my fiancé were dating, I cheated on him. We stayed together several months later we got engaged ad we had a baby. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My fiancé treats her like she is his own daughter. The only thing is that he acts like he can control me. For example, when I want to go hang with friends he says it's fine. But then when I leave he will constantly text and call me. I understand his trust issues but it's been a long time since I've cheated on him. No matter what I do he will constantly bug me and act like my father. My question is how do I get him to stop smothering me so much.
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know what I did was bad. He also cheated on me in the past an I never throw it in his face like he does to me. And it's not like I don't mind him callin and textin when I'm havin girls night. It's just I have to beg him Togo out which he only let's me go out once a month if that. And it's not like he's callin or textin to see what I'm doin. He will text me and call me horrible names. But then he can go out with his cousin when ever he wants and I never say anything bad to him when he does. I just want him to see how Hurt I get when I go out cuz he does not stop textin horrible things to me. I love him very much and I want to stay with him. I just want him to stop getting so angry with me when i Go out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2012): You did the crime, now you have to pay the price - with time.
You cheated on him. That means, you broke his trust. You know that. He still accepted you and stayed with you. More importantly, he treats your daughter from a previous relationship like his own. You need to appreciate that. You need to be grateful for that.
Why does he act like he can control you? because your cheating was something that was out of his control, and to ensure he never goes through that hurt and pain again, he is making damn sure you don't have an opportunity to do it again. You need to understand where he is coming from, and give him no reason to doubt or have any cause for concern. It's your duty to make him feel secure, because you shattered whatever security he had in the relationship.
If you really love and want to be with him, make him aware how grateful you really are for him, for what he means to you and your daughter, and show him that each day. Eventually the hurt of the past will become a distant memory and one day he will release that tight rope he is holding onto.
I mean, he lets you hang out with friends. He is not denying you that. Sure, he then checks up on you, but you know why. When he does that, don't think of what he is doing, think of what YOU DID!!! You caused him to be like that. So if you want him to be relaxed again, you need to pay your dues. Show you can be trustworthy again. Over and over again. For how long? it depends on a lot of factors, like why, how, how long, how he found out, if it has happened to him before, etc. There is no time limit, if you want to be with him, help him to trust you again. If however, your freedom is more important to you, which is what it sounds like because you say you want him to stop smothering you, then release him to find someone more deserving who will not cheat on him, and treat him right, adn won't mind his "smothering".
...............................
|
