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I cheated on my abusive partner but I don't want to leave him!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 April 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

I cheated on my husband, and failed to admit it to him when he found out.

The brief is that , i met this guy online and he came out to see me, we got married after 4 days of seeing each other. i feel in love with him, he had to leave and go back home. So he called on his way, he was so loving but he wanted everything to go his way. I agreed upon all that and i made sure that i made him happy and i happy too.

It so happened that along the way he resumed to drinking and he turned out to be so abusive to me everyday and i decided that thisng would get better but things never changed so i asked my self how can someone claim to love me and then abuse me so badly like that. I tried to ask afew friends but then it turned out that the person i talked to mostly, or the person who comforted me all the time developed feeling for me.

We kissed one day and i felt bad but then he came out and told me that he loved me so much and wnated me so badly. I did like him too and i responded to jhis demands hecause we had shared far too much. My husband came back to see me thrice and i enjoyed it but i never felt the same way though i could not tell him. So the last time he was around he found out that i was cheating on him and he asked me all sorts of questions but i denied it since he just read my emails.

After 2 months i admitted that i had cheated on him because he kept on asking me and he told me that if i do tell the truth we would be fine. But it was hard for me, so i did tell him and he told me that he didnot know what to do becaue he still loved me. I do love my husband but i donot know how to make him stay with me i still want him in my life please help.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you very much for your responses but please donot stop i still need to hear more

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A female reader, Aunt Audrey United Kingdom +, writes (4 April 2006):

Aunt Audrey agony auntI am assuming that you were talking for some time on the internet with this man before you married him.

Although many people find true love meeting people this way, many also find themselves marrying someone who they do not really know. I think this is this case with you.

The first thing you must do is make him understand you will not tolerate his abuse any longer, if the abuse is drink related tell him he must stop drinking or take the risk of losing you.

From what you write I take it you do not live with your husband, and I suppose you are no longer seeing the friend whom you confided in about your marriage.

If your husband is prepared to change, could you not live together, some people find it hard to cope being apart from their loved ones, lonliness can create all sorts of problems in a marriage.

I also think he will have a problem with trust for a while now you have admitted being unfaithful to him.

I think you both have a lot of work to do if you want to save your relationship, I suppose you should really be asking yourself if it's worth saving at all!

Good luck in your decisions.x

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A female reader, Angelicc United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2006):

Angelicc agony auntwow talk about a rushed marriage, 4 days, 4 days.....you must of felt that you loved each other alot. i believe that when you get married that is to be you life partner but if you feel that you husband is abusing you then you should move on. no one as the right to abuse there partner. but if you really want to still around you sure that you can take his abuse then you going to have to show him that you still love him. that he is the only one for you but be sure before you do it because if you not finish with him now

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