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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 22 years old. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. We first started dating when I was going to be a freshmen in college. So we started dating a few weeks before I went away to college. Well,I went and he stayed home but we were still together. I ended u cheating on him a few times. I told him everything that happened but we got through it and he stayed with me and here were we are four years later. However, now he is doubting us and doesnt know whether or not he wants to be with me. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but he just cant forget what I've done. I have proven to him that he is the one I want to be with and that I wont cheat on him and he knows that. He doesnt doubt that, he trust me but he still hurts so bad from what I've done. I love him so much and can't picture myself with anyone else. I know I did this to myself but its so hard. He said he needed to take a few days to think about things and what he wants to do. Only he took one night because then he said he couldnt stand be away from me and that I am the one he wants to be with. However, I when we are together I still feel like he doesn't want to be with me. I dont know what to do. I am so scared of losing him and dont want to live without him. What should I do? Its just so hard because this happened four years ago and he stayed with me for four years after it happened. Help me! Desperate. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2005): It is a power and control thing..he is over it i'm sure but he is using guilt to control you ..call his bluff, turn the tables around.. and i bet you will be the one in control when he no longer can hang that over your head....
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (23 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, i agree with mommyofthree. The incidence he is referring to happened four years ago which is a long time really. he has forgiven u since and the you guys have moved on with your relationship ever since. you have made up for doing that and he has said he believes you wont cheat on him again.
Its just my belief but i feel there is something else bothering him. you need to talk to him and find out. you guys can also go for counselling.
I hope everything works out for the best.
Dont worry too much create room fun. have a xmas and new yr.
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A
female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (23 December 2005):
 I am so sorry to hear the troubles you are going through. Yes, four years ago you messed up, because he chose to forgive you he loses the right to use it against you now. When you forgive someone you don't forget about it but you don't bring it up in arguments anymore. If you have proved to him that you are trustworthy and made it for four years since all of this I doubt that what you did is still causing the trouble. My gut tells me that you need to find out what is going on in hs head, there is something bothering him but do not feel like it is all you. Sometimes when we feel bad about something or are unhappy in a situation we tend to transfer those feelings onto things out partners have done. Please talk to him, if possible even couples therapy might be a good way to get the feelings he has out in the open. Good luck.
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