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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi i have been with my fiancee since i was 15 years old and I am now 22 and hes 23 and we have a three year old little boy.I had a one night stand when we were abroad working before we had a baby and we patched things up and came home.however this year I found out he had been cheating on me with a girl from work so we split up and I got drunk and met a really nice guy in a nightclub.We kept meeting up and texting each other but then I got back with my fiancee as he said he wouldnt cheat again and i did still love him.Its just now I'm not sure if i made the right decision and should I have gone with the fella I met.He was heartbroken that I chose my fiancee but I had to think of my baby and wanted him to have his dad there.I keep seeing him when we are out and it breaks my heart but at the moment I dont want him to think there is a chance until I make my mind up. Every time we have a row I keep bringing up him cheating and he brings up what I did and I just dont know if its goin anywhere.My fiancee really wants to make a go of things and he does love me though he hates me being moody but thats only cos I feel caught in the middle.Any ideas what I should do?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 May 2006):
 The cheating you both did appears to me to be a sympton of your problem, not the cause of it. You two need to speak to a professional relationship counsellor more that I can express!
Because you've been together since you were kids, you've had little or no experience with a relationship with anyone but each other, so naturally you're both curious about the "What Ifs?" in your lives. At some level, you're probably both a little resentful of the other for not allowing a bit more exploration in life, before you settle down and get married. But because you've never been longterm with anyone but each other, you're both scared of leaving what you have and trying something else. It's a recipe for heartache.
You both need to speak to a neutral third-party, someone who can get you talking about your insecurities and anger in a safe and constructive environment. PLEASE do this before you get married! Marriage lasts a long, long time -- and from what you write, you're both hanging onto this relationship by a thread.
Look in the phone book for Counsellors. There are low-cost and free services for people on limited incomes, and the alternative is to keep doing what you've been doing, and being unhappy, and setting a sad example for your child.
A
female
reader, matron +, writes (20 May 2006):
 Hi,you are both trying to make the relationship work but for different reasons. I think you both probably still love each other but doubt either of you are IN love with the other. You have been together for a while and know each other really well but you are more like best freinds, your baby can still have a relationship with his dad whether he's with you or not and if all you do is rake up the past and argue in front of your child it would be better if you parted. You cant change what has happened how ever many times you go over it and it happened for a reason! if you are truly happy with someone you dont even consider going with someone else let alone do it. If you break up you will find that you will feel jealusy when your ex sees someone else but thats only because he has been a part of your life for so long, because you have a child you will always be connected, he will always be the father of your baby and its always better to part on good terms. You will never regain the trust you once had in each other so dont spend the rest of your lives argueing and end up full of hate, Be honest with each other and yourselves, then and only then will you make the right decision. Good luck
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