A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend did not come to see like he usually does yet he knew l had wanted to be with him. so a good guy friend of mine from childhood showed up, we started drinking and all. basically we ended up having sex, me being the initiator. after it, l pretty much hated myself and did not even enjoy the sex. am wondering if it was as good as it felt why am l not happy about it... l feel so dirty and am even angry at my bf for not being there. l now hate my guyfriend.. l trully love my man but now what. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): It was a one time thing. If you love him as you say, and telling him would mean him leaving you, don't. You have the guilt to deal with - that should be enough punishment for you. Learn to control yourself. Life isn't all about sex and fooling around. If you have a good thing going with ur bf it would be stupid to throw it away like you're doing. Get a grip
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): You are not MARRIED to him...you are not bonded by GOD. And you are not obligated to tell him. You messed up, that is all there is to it. You should not have..now just don't do it again sweety. Work on yourself and figure out how you can be a better girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 You say 'why me when everything was so right'. You shouldn't be feeling sorry for yourself, it's your boyfriend that has been cheated on not you, you say you have never done this in 4 years like its a good thing, but it is normal. If you love someone you do not put them through this. If you don't own up the guilt will ruin the relationship anyway so it is your choice. But I guess if he leaves you because of it you have only yourself to blame, and you will learn from your mistakes and never cheat on any future partners hopefully.
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A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (21 November 2011):
I gave her the best advice on here and they refuse to post it,nyet they would post advice tell her to mislead and lie to her partner. That's ashame for many reasons.
I hope she finds it within herself to let this guy know what she has done and while she's self assessing herself, she look whom really responsible for the actions she took that day.
This person and the one's that adviced her to keep it to herself or so selfish and reckless, they dont even deserve a response. How can anyone see any future with lie's. If you decide to go on with hos relationship, i hope you think hard before you have children with this guy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2011):
 How can you say you love him so when you chose to cheat on him with someone else?
no matter HOW mad I am at my man I would NOT sleep with anyone else...
you have every right to feel dirty and disgusted with your behavior.
IF you keep it a secret how will you feel? will you be able to live with yourself? if you can live with a secret then go for it.
me personally, I can't and won't LIE to my partner no matter what... take your lumps and deal with it is my motto...
you chose to throw away FOUR YEARS....
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (21 November 2011):
 If you do not tell him the truth will eventually come out. Your best bet is to tell him now before he blames you for not only doing it but keeping it from him as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionl know there is no excuse for cheating but he will leave me if l own up.. we've been together for four years and l have neva cheated on him all this while, im into him and really love him just like he loves me too. he is so trusting and this would be just the end, l have been with other guys before but with him its different and l dont want this to end. l am in a mess but want to fix things. when he called l was so cold, l felt as if he cud see me and what l had done, why me when everything was so ryt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): I have never cheated on my boyfriend and I never would! But, owning up to it may not be best if you want to be with him. He will most likely leave you. If he doesn't he will never let you forget what you did. But you need to grow up if you want to be in a real relationship.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 November 2011):
Own up, you made a mistake and now you need to pay for it. He may end the relationship he may not, but either way you need to tell him the truth. OK so he did not show up, you might have the right to be a bit upset because you miss him but it does not give you the right to have sex with someone else no matter what your reasons where or how drunk you where, if you deeply loved your boyfriend well then you would never have done this. Nobody is to blame here but you unfortunately.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (20 November 2011):
You own up. I cannot feel any sympathy for you, you did a bad thing, and you have to pay the price for it. You are projecting your self hatred at those who are not in the wrong, simply because you are angry with yourself.
How can you say you truly love your man when you just cheated on him? In my eyes, cheating is a sign that something is truly wrong, and should be a relationship ender. Whether or not he feels the same will be seen in due course. One thing I do know however, is if you keep it bottled up your hatred towards yourself will manifest itself in your relationship and it will end anyway.
I hope things pick up for you, and you make the right choices from now on.
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