A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,A few months ago i cheated on my b/f of 2 1/2 yrs. I met a bloke off the internet and spent 3 nites with him. We didnt have any sexual contact as such although we did kiss and we both wanted to but i couldnt go through with it as i realised i did love my b/f and wanted to be with him.The problem is now that i am pregnant with twins and the conception date the hospital have given (approx) is the 1st nite i spent with the bloke i had affair with so now b/f has doubts the kids are his!We have both tried to talk about it but we are both hurting for different reasons and dont seem to be able to listen to each other we both get angry and frustrated. I love him with all my heart and truly regret what i have done. I hate the fact ive hurt him so much and its also spoiling the pregnancy... im scared we have come to the end of our relationship and dont know what to do. B/f wants to do relationship counselling but there isnt any in our area avaliable. HELP !!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 There is a chance, even in the slighest, in his mind that the TWINS are not his, and he STILL wants to try relationship counseling? He is either the biggest fool, or the greatest man you will ever find in your life.
My suggestion is that you wait until the children are born, and run a paternatiy test to see if he really is the father. You may be sure, but there is no way HE can be sure, and he is going to need it as proof if you plan to make this work long term.
In the meanwhile, go to the counceling with him. If they are his kids, and if he does stick around, you are going to have to earn his trust again through actions. It may take years...everytime he looks at those kids, he will be reminded of your deceit, UNTIL a few years pass, and he can associate new memories to them that are uniquely his.
For you to earn his trust may take years...are you sure that you are up for it? If so, let him know ASAP.
If they turn out not to be his kids, then I hope the two of you will separate on good terms, and wish each other peace.
-FBK
A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (22 May 2007):
 rite 1st things first chick, you have done well admitting what you have done to him. 2nd, if u think about it, your boyfriend has done an amazing thing, wanting to work on your relationship by going to councelling, most guys would have left you by now, but he didnt, he stuck by you..3rd bbz, if u r 100% sure the babies are his, take a test to make sure, to prove it to him! i suggest for the councelling you have a look online and look for the closest councelling because if u realy want this relationship, you will have to do whatever to make it work! i realy hope i helped and hope you dont think i am being to harsh but i have seen it happen to my mum and its realy not something to be messed about with, bbz mail me if u eva want 2 talk x x x
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (22 May 2007):
 His feelings are justified. I won't beat you over the head saying things like ...you shouldn't have doen this or that....you already know that. Beside the fact you're pregnant, what's hurting him is picturing you in bed with another man, kissing, cuddling and carrying on. He's thinking that whether you physically cheated or not, you wanted to. Also, he probably doesn't believe you. Those feelings are warranted and he is entitled to them.
The other aunt was correct. He either gets over it or not. There is really no middle ground here. The problem is that your version of what happened is quite frankly, unbelievable. I'm not saying you're lying, just that it doesn't really ring true and your guy feels like a chump. Even if you get back together, he'll always wonder if they're his kids. I suggest a paternity test. If he was some jealous type of guy who had accused you of cheating, without reasonable proof, I'd never tell you to have a test. In this case though, the burden is on you to prove otherwise.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I am not sure where you are in the UK but if you contact your local GP they will be able to advise you where your local relationship counsilors are, and you can then contact them and make arrangements to go and see them.
You obviously love each other otherwise you would have just broken up, so it deserves at least a chance to make things the way they were if not, better.
Once you start counsilling I am sure he will come round, and you will both be able to learn a thing or two from it about each other. Your kids deserve at least the attempt at a complete reconciliation, and if not, the attempt at remaining good friends for them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): If you are certain that u are pregnant from him agree to a DNA test.
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 then if he wants counselling you must try and find out where there is one to go to. try going or ringing your local advice centre and maybe they can give you a number or two.
with him wanting counselling it does show that he wants this relationship to work,if he didnt he would be gone by now. i know what you did was wrong and i can understand how hurt he must feel,but on the other hand hecant keep chucking this at you,he either tries to get on with your life together or call it a day.
say to him that these babies are 100% his and nothing is going to change that, everyone makes mistakes but maybe he just cant forgive
i hope everything works out for you.xxxxxxxxxxx
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