A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,so i am currently on a break with my gf because she lied to me twice in a row. However, with all this halloweens parties coming up that we had planned to go together it seems like added pressure to end the break faster. What had happend between me and my gf, that i have been dating for four years now, was that she lied straight to my face twice. She has recently started to go out more recently than in the past for whatever reasons. So she went out to downtown with her girlfriends and i said ok that is fine. It turns out that she didnt text me nor called me when she got home as she usually does. I woke up the next morning at 6 am to go volunteer in helping the underserve. However, on my way there since she lives towards that direction i pass by her house and i find out her car was not there. Than throught the day i txt her like everything was cool and normal. I ask her "what time did you get home last night, and how did you get home?" she answers "i got home at 2:30 am with my car, howelse." I let the day pass and comes next day i get off work and tell her that we need to talk.We talk about it and i tell ask her again about how she got home, she gave me the same lie now to my face and i confront her saying that she was lying because she didnt come home that night. Than she said, "I took an uber home because I had two drinks and I felt drunk inhibited to drive." I said ok, but since she already had lied to my face i asked for the uber receipt. By this point she was acting mad that i was even questioning her and was strong about what she was telling me so she left saying she "didnt have time for this". When i told her about the receipt she made a U turn and came back. Now she adds another friend (lets say friend B) into the picture, which initially it was just her and her friend (Lets say A). Knowing that she has no option but to reveal that the uber was a lie because it was impossible for her to get the receipt. She than says "ok, you want to know the truth?" she says her 3rd friend (B) took her to her with friend A and that they both slept there. By this time she had lied to my face twice now. And im not even sure that she is telling me the truth this thrid time. I dont know what to do. I told her that i needed time to think because she lied to me twice and there was another incident where i saw her co-worker called her "maah" but she said it was nothing that i didnt see anything. I know what i saw but im not counting that one, giving her the benefit of the doubt on that one or else it would be strike 3 you're out! Sorry for long text but wanted to be detailed as possible about this situation.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 October 2015):
 YIKES! Hold the phone here!
She goes out with her friends, and your response is to go STALK her to her house?! Demanding receipts, interviewing her friends, monitoring how often she goes out, expecting a "check-in" text or call whenever she gets home...why? So you can say something about how late she was out???
I can tell you immediately why she is lying to you, and no, I don't condone lying for any reason. However, what she SHOULD be doing is either telling you to back off and quit trying to control her, or she should be breaking up with you, because she should be with someone she does not have to lie to.
You've been dating for 3 years now. I can see this a mile away - if she's the type who cheats, she'll cheat whether you are driving past her house, staring at your phone, digging for receipts, or whatever, or she'll cheat if you aren't so paranoid. The difference is - if you're paranoid, you may catch her if she's cheating, BUT, if you're paranoid and demanding and questioning and monitoring and she's been 3 years FAITHFUL to you, you'll shatter the relationship because she's sick of doing the time when she hasn't done the crime.
It's funny - I know a guy in real life who was with a girl for 2 years, and he just recently broke up with her because the control and accusations and endless questioning and demands finally broke him. The straw that broke the camel's back was when he said he had to work late doing an inventory at work, and she demanded ACTUAL MILEAGE RECORDS to check against his odometer. That's how bad it had gotten. He lost it....and dropped her.
Wanna hear something interesting?? When he finally dumped her, it eventually came out that she had been cheating on HIM with a friend of his, and all that paranoia, accusations, monitoring and such was really a smokescreen for her OWN cheating on him. Putting the thumbscrews and stalking HIM was her way of keeping the heat off of her and so that she knew where he was all the time. Sick.
So either way, you have problems. Break up with her, or stop stalking her. Relationships aren't about driving past people's houses, demanding uber receipts (which I toss into the trash anyways), interviewing friends, forcing calls/texts to check in like she's on parole, and giving her heat for having a life outside of your relationship. She's rebelling against your obsession. I'm trying to help you so that in your next relationship, you won't shatter it under the pressure of your trust issues.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 October 2015):
 What she is doing is called "trickle truthing" meaning she will come up with the "truth" only after being checkmated that her previous truth was a lie. So I think that you are correct not to believe anything that she is saying about this particular episode which, because she is lying about it, carries some grave significance.
Like you, I don't believe a word she says about this matter.
So now she has you checked with alibis with persons A and B, and she is sitting tight to see if you will crack and accept this latest trickle of truth so she can bury the episode.
Just the way that she is content to wait on you to accept the latest truth, I think you should be as equally, if not more, content in spending as much time as possible "thinking" about this whole thing. Your situation, from your perspective, cannot get any worse than what it already is, so waiting this thing out shifts the burden of curiosity onto her: did he accept my trickle or not, she'll question, until she can't take it any longer.
So it's just the question of nerves and willingness on your part to stay on break. Meanwhile, use the time to dig for facts.
For example, if she called A and B, then ask her for phone records to see whom she called between those specified times when she was out. Tell her that if she has nothing to hide then why does she? Phone records are no big deal so if she shows them, examine the calls and the texts as to which numbers they went to.
Cell phone records and texts can also be retrieved by various software available on the web. Research some in case she denies existence of phone records. The software is very accurate in retrieving phone and text logs.
Alternatively, if she fails to show records then just break the deal, then have her wonder where have her actions gotten her into.
You should also be prepared to completely break with her if she fails on on more concrete proof such as phone records.
Oh... and forget about all those Halloween parties.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 October 2015):
 I don't think there's anything embarrassing to tell a boyfriend that she's going to have a sleepovers at her girlfriends. That's assuming it's just girls there. The problem started when she's going out too much when you wished to spend more time with her. Is it possible that she's contemplating break up but didn't know how to do that so she's escaping by going to her girlfriends? Anyway there is a break down in communication because it shouldn't be hard for her to tell you she's at her girlfriend's. She didn't have to be cheating for her to want to get away from the relationship. But you deserve to know the truth, at least where you stand now when she disappears so much.
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