A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We haven't had any communication for 2 months now. We ended things amicably because of personal complications. He wanted to give me space by avoiding me first but he claims were still friends. I've stopped approaching him entirely after he didn't show up at my bday maybe bec. my partner was there or bec. He just doesn't care anymore. I don't know how he still feel towards me but I know I miss him even more. I'm ending things with my partner not just bec. Of him but bec. Of it being unhealthy for me anymore. so when I saw him at a party and it seemed he pretended not to notice me by being on his phone as I walked by, I pretended I didn't see him either. But then when we sat on the tables, his table was next to mine and he happened to be facing across me. Of course, I keep sneaking a glance at him but I've already been telling myself, he doesn't care anymore. Well, there was a moment that I caught him looking at me. We locked eyes for maybe just 2 seconds longer but i didnt know what to do. I had a straight look on my face and I don't know if he can tell that my eyes looked sad. Finally, he gave me a nervous smile, like a grin. I lost control and actually gave him a wide smile and did even a shy wave. But that was it. Do you think he still has feelings for me? I don't want to pursue him but I wish he still cared for me. Was he just being polite or did he really missed me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): You're still a bit in denial. You can't heal if you can't face the possibility that he doesn't want to get back with you. You're still banking your future on this guy. I'll bet the farm he's not doing the same for you.
You're functioning and running on false-hope; under the assumption he still wants to be in a relationship with you. Being stubborn about things won't force him to yield to what you want from him. You can't put your life on hold on the remote "possibility" of reconciliation. He cares about you like any decent person would. That doesn't mean he wants to take you back.
Most reconciliations fail anyway. Then you're back to square-one; and going through the pain of a second break-up starting all over again.
Take the breakup seriously. Don't allow desperation to keep you grasping for straws and hoping against hope. That is how so many of OP's end up going into deep depression, losing focus, and letting their lives go off-track.
Work on yourself for you. Prepare yourself to find a better relationship. Any changes you make for the better should be for your own benefit. Not his. I am going to warn you that his awkward smile was a signal. He was trapped and didn't need an emotional outburst from you at a party.
I don't think it was a coincidence you both showed up at the same place. I think you knew he was going to be there, and wanted to see how he would react when he saw you. I've been around the block, I've seen a few things in my time.
You'll either get on with your life, and initiate your healing process to get-over this guy; or you'll prolong the agony, insisting that you'll have things your way. Don't be surprised if he starts seeing other people. He has every right to, as do you.
Time will be very cruel to you; if you don't face reality and start working toward getting over him. He's in the process of getting over you. The sad thing is, he's going to have a head-start; while you're still clinging on in desperation. Trying to turn his awkward forced smile into some sign he still cares about you.
He does care, but "how" has changed. I think you've drawn your own conclusion that if you change he'll take you back.
Well bear these facts in-mind. His mind is going through the detachment process, and he doesn't really believe you're going to change overnight. It's really a waste of his time waiting to see how much (or if) you will improve; when he could do better by finding someone who doesn't have to change. Someone already fit and ready just as they are. The same would be true for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both of your replies. I agree: He probably felt awkward or probably cares about me a little. His smile seems more apologetic not just like a blanket "hey its great to see you!". I've decided to uncomplicate my life first before approaching him bec. He never did say that what we had was nothing to him, he just wanted me to focus what I needed to fix first, which I am doing. When the time is right, I will confront him. If its meant to be, he still has feelings for me.
Yes, I do want to rekindle what we had and hopefully more but I'm also preparing myself for the worst and tell myself, it was just a silly summer fling for him and he's over it. To me, I think he's the one I've been waiting for my whole life BUT that's probably crazy talk. I'll just have to wait and see what my future holds with this man.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): No, it doesn't necessarily mean he has any feelings for you.
You showed up at a party together. It was awkward.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (14 December 2014):
Yes, it's perfectly possible that he still cares for you. And if you only broke up a couple of months ago it's likely that he still has some fond feelings for you and misses you a bit (unless you had a really acrimonious break-up)But it doesn't necessarily mean that he wants to get back with you. Making eye-contact and smiling at a group event means that he's just being polite. If he wants to get back with you he'll contact you or talk to you.If you feel there's a chance of you getting back together, why don't you take the initiative - then at least you'll know either way.Do you want to get back with him? Have the personal complications been dealt with or could they be?But I'm afraid that no-one on here will be able to tell you for sure how he feels...
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