A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This isnt really that big of a deal, but for some reason its really bothering me. This morning i found my boyfriend of over year sitting on the floor watching Dance videos. NO big deal right? well i popped my head up a little further to discover he had just finished jerking off. he had been having trouble sleeping all night he was turning every which way and waking me up every few minutes or hours (not sure cuz i was sleeping) with his antics. anyways for some reason this is just really bothering me. I know he jerks off if im not around and its kinda always bothered me cuz if he's not around i will wait until he can take care of me. i guess i just want to know why in the world would he be sitting on the floor boxers down as if nothing was wrong. .x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (3 December 2010):
 I would be upset if I came home to my fiance naked from the waist down sleeping. To me it seems that he isn't trying to see your view on this at all. I understand how you feel and a lot of women probably do as well, he just doesn't. I'm not saying he will ever FULLY understand your feelings about it, but he could at least try. My man tries to make it so I don't know about it. He doesn't do it because he's mean or hiding it, but because he knows I'm still a little uneasy. Would it work if your man did that for a while? Maybe did it only when you wouldn't be there and didn't fall asleep naked from the waist down. It might help until you can learn to accept it. I haven't fully accepted porn, so I am not trying to sound like a know it all by any means, but I accept it more than I did.I'm really sorry to hear your relationship is coming to an end. When you say he's unable to deal with it, are you referring to the dance videos and your conversations about them? Have you tried to ask him to see it from your point of view? If you have, and he obviously won't, he may always do it in plain sight. I'm not trying to make you stay in an unhappy relationship, but sometimes men just don't get it. They need to hear your feelings before they can think "oh, that's why she's upset. Damn, maybe I've been a jerk".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto be honest it has always bothered me since we've been together. even before we lived together if i called him and he told me he had just jerked off i'd be mad. i honestly do not know why im mad. its not as if he's cheating...
well last night i came home to find him dead asleep naked from the waist down. i cant imagine what he was doing. and it bothered me. and im not even horny or wanting sex from him right now because i am pretty upset about a lot of things.
i mean i think about him jerking off and i get horny but i dont want him doing it without me there. maybe cuz i feel im missing out? i dont know i honestly dont know why i get so mad and jealous over his hand.
i know he is very stressed and our relationship is coming to an end because hes unable to deal with it the way a 'normal' person would.
oh and it bothered me today that he had the NERVE to tell me i'm only worried about getting DICK when i havent even approached the issue in days... i havent taken care of myself nor asked him to take care of me. and i havent touched in since saturday because he's being a turd. im not with holding but as u see he's handling his own needs. without asking me to help him
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (2 December 2010):
I do understand your point and why you would be bothered by waking up to it. It's a little shocking. Like the comedian Ron White has stated about boobs, "once you've seen one pair, you want to see them all". It's going to be the same reaction to naked women. He will act like it's the first time he's seen a woman naked. It's no dis to you, he just enjoys the female body.
And, about your sex drive. Same way for me. I'm pretty close to my man and sometimes I surpass him in that area. But, I do not want to put in the effort to have sex with him every time I am horny. And, I don't want to wait for him to get home to have sex every time I am horny. I wouldn't expect him to those things if I won't. And just so you know, not all men masturbate just because they are horny. Some do it because they are stressed, bored, or maybe even can't sleep. The penis is like it's own person, it gets hard when it feels like it sometimes.
If this still bothers you after a couple of weeks, bring it up. Tell him why it bothers you and see if he has anything to say. There's got to be a reason why it's bothersome. Once you know for sure what that reason is, it will be easier to deal with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto answer charliesdevil... i live with him. and my sex drive is just as high if not HIGHER than his. i hav eno issues keeping up. it was just a weird thing to be woken up too i guess... and i can watch porn it doesnt bother me ... it smore his reactions like oooooooo damn like he's never seen a girl naked before? idk. i still dont like the fact i woke up to that...
to the person asking which video... not sure maybe daddy yankee or rakim y ken-y?
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A
male
reader, ilikejeeps +, writes (30 November 2010):
well its a guy thing. we will jsut do it and then we will be able to sleep. its nothing against you at all. there is nothing that i can think of to explain it to you. sometimes we jsut get ourselves ready to take care of you. its jsut had to answer taht but its jsut most guys do it and dont take offense. we dont see it in our eyes that you would be offended and hurt by that. some girls understand we do that.
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A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Too give an answer to your last statement...because he feels there is nothing wrong. Men have a way higher sex drive then women. They need to clean the pipes, usually every day when they're your age, to not get stressed or to just feel comfortable. He probably chose a dance video because the women are shaking their booties and boobies and that turns him on. It's not a bad thing, it's a good thing. Trust me. If he were to wait until you could take care of him, he would probably just want to get to the finish because he would be so horny. When he masturbates without you, when you two do have sex, he can take more time and please you the way you like it. My fiance usually doesn't masturbate on the days we are off together, and sometimes he finishes quicker than I would like. But if it's a given that he has done the deed, I get more time taken on me.
Just so you know, the reason it is probably bothering you is because it's other women. A lot of men don't realize what stuff like this does to a woman's self esteem. You can't blame them though. They are programed differently then us.
It's hard to see his side, I've been there and done that. Mine was with porn. It's bothersome until you understand it more. Try looking under the pornography section here, see what some of the men say to the questions. It helped me a lot. It still bothers me every once in a while (usually when I'm PMSing) but I remember that he treats me no differently now then when I didn't know about the porn. And that's something you should think about. Has his behavior ever changed? If not, why worry? He's just doing his thing. Maybe you could try masturbating too, you might see what's so relaxing about it. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 For some people, male and female, jerking off is as natural as having a pee. It's like an itch you just have to scratch. It's a feeling that builds up and builds up until you just have to do it. It doesn't always have to be sexual, it can simply be a release of tension and stress! After an orgasm you feel peaceful and you mind is empty. It sounds like he was having trouble sleeping and thought that jerking off might help him to calm down and go to sleep. This can actually work! Don't think that he is "not waiting" for you by doing this. It is a separate thing to having sex with you. It is a personal thing.
The dance video. Guys have been surrounded by porn, to the point where a lot of them think they need visual stimulus to get aroused. Either that or he thought it would make the deed happen quicke, so he could get to sleep asap.
I don't think you have anything to worry about here it all sounds pretty innocent. I would only worry if his masturbation stops him wanting sex with you or if he watches a lot of porn and is addicated. I don't think you have anything to worry about with a dance video. Sounds pretty harmless to me.
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