A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I’m not sure exactly what to do, in regards a friend. Although I think that I originally made a mistake when I decided to be friends with her and nothing more, I don’t fancy this girl. But I do find myself really caring about her. Nothing could ever happen with her (as she is going out with a very good friend of mine) and I wouldn’t want it to / couldn’t anyway. But my problem is that soon (within the next few weeks/months) I will have to do something that I know will massively upset her. I have found myself trying to annoy her, so that she won’t care or want to know, but this just feels really wrong!Normally I would just avoid her and naturally grow apart, but although I’m not living there at the moment, she is my flatmate. As I will soon be living with her, the stupid way I am acting is worrying her and possibly being upsetting. I can’t do that, but then again I can’t ignore her or what will soon happen (which will be far worse for her if I do nothing now).I know this is a bit vague and must sound so stupid, but I actually am drawing a blank on what to do!
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 August 2008):
I really don't think you are giving her enough credit. She really can't expect you to be there forever, she's not your wife. Tell her now that you are going to move so she can get used the idea. She may be upset but she will probably be happy for you as well if you are going off to bigger and better things.
I doubt you'll never see her again.
As long as you aren't committing suicide or something then you can still keep in touch.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. Thanks. But I don’t think that you quite understood my problem. I know nothing will ever happen with her, and the she is sort of like a sister to me. I want to protect her and not have her upset, but I think she is close enough and the sort of person that will be upset in a few weeks by what’s going to happen – which involves my leaving her and the flat.
I see how what I said could be read, but obviously I’m not doing actions that will annoy her, but rather just not talking to her in the same way as we used to, of cause being polite but to be honest, recently the few times we have talked all I seem to be doing is moan about the flat, something that just doesn’t even matter to me anymore.
I agree that this is really stupid, but I think that remaining close to her would soon be more upsetting to her. Sadly talking to her and honesty aren’t possible at this point. I…
Maybe just wait and see what happens.
But thank you anyway.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 August 2008):
Being horrible to her just so you feel better about "caring about her" is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. Have you been getting advice on how to treat girls from an 8 year old?
Why are you being an idiot?
Why can't you accept your feelings???
You love her like a little sister. There is nothing wrong with living with someone who you care about and feel brotherly towards.
Be a big brother to her and be nice to her. You don't fancy her so you don't have to worry about anything happening. Besides, there are loads of advantages to having a girl as a really close mate... you can get advice on your other girlfriends - the inside track on what they are thinking.
Plenty of men manage to be friends with girls, I really don't see what your problem is.
Good Luck!! xx
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