After seven plus years of marriage, my husband cheated, I don't know for how long, no details, I am deeply hurt, but still love him, he wants to repair the damage, I don't know that we can, what should I do? |
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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: we've been together for almost 8 years, i can't believe that he can do that to me... he cheated, i don't know how long because until now he can't explain, he can't detail what happened and why he did it, i love him... very much and trusted him... but i don't know if i can still accept him, after lying and betraying me.. all i know is that i am hurt, deeply hurt, many things are rolling into my mind co'z he don't want to be honest, he is still trying to win me back but i don't know if i can still come back... all i know is i love him so much and i am hurt...i'm afraid... i don't know what to do... please help me... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 He needs to tell you all the details as there will be a million questions going through your head and you probably feel like you are going mad. Its part of getting closure to know every little thing they did and every little detail about her.
The hurt does get easier to deal with and forgiveness does come if you truly want to and truly love him. You will never forget and it will rear its ugly head constantly. You just have to decide if you want to make it work and try to get your marriage back. It will be very very hard to trust him again and your mind will work overtime every time he is late or seems to make a lame excuse. You have to decide if your husband is genuinely sorry, really loves you and doesnt want to ever hurt you again. You also need to find out if he did it just because he could or if there was a particular reason that compelled him to betray you, in other words is he a serial cheater or does he truly believe it will never happen again x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): I'm a firm believer in second chances for eveyone, no matter what crimes or pains they have commited or caused.
But if he is unwilling to tell you WHY he cheated (with whom is probably not really something that needs to be discussed right now) then he is not ready for that chance.
Let him go, let him think about how he acted versus how he SHOULD have acted. And hopefully, with time, he will see sense and trully want to reconcile and feel remorse for his doings.
If that happens, I hope it isn't too late and you haven't already fallen in love with someone else.
Sometimes, kid, if you trully love someone you do whats best even if it hurts you to no end... and that means letting them fly away if they want that.
Flynn 24
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