A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with this guy that I was dating for 2 and a half years because I didn't feel compatible with him at the time. He was my first everything. He was the sweetest most gentle guy and I knew he loved me but I wasn't quite ready for love. We fought all the time for no apparent reason, mostly because of me. I was too scared for him to fall for me so hard. After all that was my first boyfriend, and I always thought that I would date around a lot before meeting "the right one." He was so different from me but what held us together for so long was the comfort and the fact that we were each other's first everything.I broke up with him before summer for what felt like the 20th, but final time. It was so hard to forget about him. I even ran halfway across the world to a whole new country for 5 months to get away from him and to try to experience new things. I started a new relationship after we broke up. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 8 months (even while I was abroad, we kept a stable very long-distance relationship). During the whole eight months that my boyfriend and I have been together, my ex and I continue to be friends. My boyfriend now is a sweetheart. I can tell he cares about me a lot. We love spending time together but we only get to see each other every week or two because he lives in a bordering state. While I am away from my boyfriend, my mind wanders off and I tend to think about my ex boyfriend a lot. I talk to him because I still have feelings for him. I find myself thinking about what I used to have with him, reminiscing about the good times and the bad. I look at our old pictures, emails, and conversations together and it makes me want to be with him again. Its unfortunate because I could not leave my boyfriend now because he is just so good to me. I care about both men. I care about my boyfriend now because he makes me a better person and he has never made me sad about anything. I care about my ex because he was first everything and he gave me so many memories that I still hold dear to me but I'm scared if I was with him again, that it might not go as well. Both men are great, sweet, kind, caring, loving. Its awful that I'm torn between both. Do I go with the one that makes me a better person or do I go for the one that I seem to can not get out of my head?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust giving a little update..
I chose to stay with my current boyfriend. We have been together for 16 months now. I've learned to love him more and more each and every day. We still have a lot of obstacles in front of us but hopefully our love can surpass all this.
As for my ex, I listened to what CD said,"It's sometimes hard to admit to ourselves but there's a reason why our exes are our exes and when we're no longer with them we can't see those reasons anymore despite the fact that if we were to get back together they would almost certainly still exist." He is still the same person that I left.
I'm almost positive that our relationship would have never grew if we got back together. I let him go and never look back since. We are friends now. I have seen him once and the last time was about 4-5 months ago.
I'm glad that I made the right choice because now I am in love with a good man, a strong man, someone I can see myself growing old with.
Thanks to those who gave me advice. This little update is for you.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 When reading your letter you said your first love and you weren't compatible, you argued a lot of the time and the only thing that held you together was the fact you were each other's first loves.... You have tested he waters with the ex and although you had some good times, do you really think in your heart of hearts you could be with him for the rest of your life? (Think of the arguments!) How do you think you would both be say 10 years from now? Do you think they would escalate? Does the fact you haven't seen your ex in a while not make you want him more?
Now your current boyfriend. He's a sweetheart and he cares about you a lot. You don't see each other that often because he lives in a bordering state. You couldn't leave him because he is just so good to you. You say you care for him but no where in your letter do you pour out your feelings for him the way you do about your ex... speaks volumes don't you think?
When you're on your own who do you think of? THE EX, whose pictures do you look at? THE EX. Who do you end up talking with? THE EX.
I can understand where you're coming from, your present boyfriend is probably crazy on you and treats you well but you're (in my opinion) still very much in love with the ex and for this reason you're only putting off the inevitable... but I think you know that deep down... don't you? ;o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (15 February 2007):
 Nobody will ever make you feel quite like your first boyfriend because yu'll never feel that level of excitement or passion again just because you never get that first time back. It's natural to feel nostalgia for those feelings and for your feelings for the person to get messed up with these. If you're happy with your current guy leave your ex in the past where he belongs. It's sometimes hard to admit to ourselves but there's a reason why our exes are our exes and when we're no longer with them we can't see those reasons anymore despite the fact that if we were to get back together they would almost certainly still exist.
CD
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