A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:can anyone help? me and my bf broke up over a month ago we where fighting a lot and i was very insecure and didnt trust him i have begged him back but he said no that he loves me but cant be with me hes not the same coz of all the fightin. he has also said he hopes i get my act together which i have. he said he misses me more than i can imagine, i miss him so much he is my best friend but dont no what to do anymore cant understand why he wont give me a chance if he loves me
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best friend, broke up, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, brooke5426  +, writes (25 September 2007):
 you need to give him a wide berth for a while. i know its hard but if you really want him back you need to give him space. Men want what they cant have - fact. Do not under any circumstances email the dude. give it 2 weeks, with absolutely no contact - it wont be easy and you'll be desperate to call him but its only 2 weeks. if he has feelings for you he'll miss you and want to be in your life. how can he miss you if you're still contacting him a lot? keep busy and find something to do that will completely distract you and make you feel happy whenever you find yourself thinking about him (ok i have been writing and deleting this sentence for about 2 minutes deciding if i will admit this or not but screw it...when i think about my ex and feel gutted, i put on a britney cd from back in the day, grab my hairbrush and dance my ass off. there i said it! dont judge me - it works!) when you miss him call your friends, watch a movie, do anything, if your really stuck for a distraction email me and i'll talk to ya. remember we're only setting a 2 week cold turkey period here.
but seriously stay away from him completely, dont do anything crazy to make him jealous ie "accidentally" send him a text meant for your friend saying how great your new man is - it. will. not. work.
give him time to think about you, miss you and wonder what you are doing. you've done everything you can do. he knows how you feel, he knows what you want, its in his court now, and he loves you and misses you already. dont make yourself too available and he'll more than likely be back.
best of luck
brooke
xxx
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): I have been in a relationship where i wasn't trusted, although i never gave any reason not to be trusted. I can tell you that having your partner think about you in that way hurts alot, in a way you have broken his trust. Which there may have been good reason for, i dont know the details. But i think it took your guy alot to say enough is enough and he doesnt want to go back to the way things were only to have to do it again. I dont think you can just jump back into this relationship the ways things were. My best advice would be to take the relationship back a notch or two, to dating etc to take the slow steady route back to where you were. I think you would have more chance of talking to him about doing things this way, as you cant blame the guy for not wanting to jump in with both feet because you say "i'm cured, i trust you completely" (how many times i heard that line myself). Another thing that might also help is to talk to your guy about why the mistrust was there in the first place, he probably is struggling to understand why it happened in the first place.
p.s. if he did do anything to make you mistrust him in the first place e.g. go behind your back with someone, then disregard the above and put him in the unwanted pile and find yourself a decent guy :)
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A
female
reader, loucie +, writes (25 September 2007):
It sounds like you have done all you can. As hard as it is, try not to contact him at all for at least 2 weeks, as you have already trie to ask him back.Please don't blame yourself for the breakup. He may have issues of his own to sort out. Don't contact him.He will have time to think & miss you & your friendship you have together. If he doesn't contact you, then his not worth the time & energy. I know it's hard not to contact someone when you love them but it is the only way.Get on with your life as best you can, fulfil your time with other outlets. I hipe this helps my dear. Get back to me if you need further help x
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A
female
reader, Emmajane +, writes (25 September 2007):
 I think you have to examine why you wee fighting a lot. What can you say or do to show him that your insecurities have gone? In fact, I wonder whether they have, in just one month. He probably thinks the fighting will happen again and he can't cope with that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2007): You will get him back, usually your bf or gf does become your best friend.
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A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (25 September 2007):
 Maybe he just saw a side to you which he wasn't prepared to see? It's not the biggest compliments to a guy if we're insecure or lack trust in them all the time - maybe by "get your act together," he means that he wants you to get some confidence and love yourself. I would suggest before chasing him, you try to love yourself a bit first. I hope you guys can sort something out. :] x
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