A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please Help! Hi, I am having major problems trusting my boyfriend after he cheated and lied for the first year. We got together very soon after he broke up from a long term relationship...I think I should have been his rebound but we fell in love, he had a hard time getting over the split but knew he wanted a life with me so he kept it from me that they remained freinds afterwards. Both of them claim not to have been initmate but I consider it cheating.Its been a year since and my God, its so hard, we're both trying, really I should have no doubts about him now. He tells me everything he does, where he goes, I've been checkin his phone, pc etc but have found nothing. I find I am suspicious a lot over small things, he knows the way I feel, tries to help but its causing a strain.We fought recently over this and we havent spoken. I can't stand the silence because it makes me think he's up to something again.(we live apart)I constantly think of the ex, I feel that there was something missing between us for him to have kept contact with her, he insists that wasn't the case, he's extremely remorseful over it all, I do think it was bad timing.He is my soul-mate. I love him very much and really want to trust him again.I desperatley need help to control the obsessive behaviour, I was never like this before, but then again I never had a reason. Has anyone been able to overcome an affair and How did you do it???Thank You
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for taking the time to advice me, it definitly helped....since I posted first we were on the verge of break up because of the lack of trust, neither of us want to end our relationship but we both know my behaviour is not healthy.
I will invest in some self help books, rid myself of the need to keep him on a short leash and put a stop to looking for trouble.
I hope and have been praying for help that I will be able to get over this and leave the past behind as I can see that the one thing I have been trying so very hard at keepin strong will surely slip away, and I definitly don't want that...
Thank You for helping me to see the positive aspect of his actions and the negative of my own.
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 There is such a thing as an emotional affair, yes. But if he's made it clear he regrets not being honest with you and that it will never go any further with his ex, the only thing you should be worrying about is moving past it. Keeping your boyfriend on a short leash, needing to know absolutely everything he does, etc. is only going to make him feel trapped. Restoring your trust in someone isn't an easy thing, but you should at least make an effort towards it.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (25 August 2009):
 Hi there, hope you're ok. My thoughts are these. You say you're always thinking about his ex. Stop thinking about her cos you're giving away your energy and power to her. Think about how great he's been lately and try and think positive thoughts instead of things that make you anxious.Thoughts become feelings and if you are feeling negative and anxious, your bf will pick up on this,even if its subconsiously and he'll begin to be negative too. Read some self help books and relax and enjoy being with him instead of worrying so much. good luck
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