A
female
age
51-59,
*Alison*
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 7 years but we have known/been aware of each other for around 11 years through our daughters. When we first got together it was an instant physical attraction. We both have children from previous relationships and we have always given consideration to that. In the beginning he showed signs of jealousy and I became submissive, as in didn't go out with friends as often. Everything carried on fine, sex was good and we had a good social life. He has bouts of depression which I know how to deal with, and he has quite an addictive nature. This sometimes is a real bind. Poker, which isn't a problem because he doesn't gamble huge amounts, weed, which can be a problem because it causes him to go into himself but the worst thing is ( and this may sound laughable) is his addiction to the playstation!!! At the moment it is causing huge problems, or is this just a factor??!! He took redundancy nearly 3 years ago and then had a failed business venture, which I supported him through emotionally. He is now up and running in another business which could be extremeley beneficial but he chooses to sit at home and play the playstation. As we don't live together and I am not dependent on him financially I don't feel I can go at him too much over the time he dedicates to his work. I can only suggest to him that it's not really a good way of life! The main problem is.... he has put a bit (not a lot) of weight on last year and he didn't feel like having sex as much. It was a problem and we spoke briefly about it because I was feeling insecure and he had to assure me it was not me. We carried on with that and I started to feel totally unsexy. We would have rushed un-loving sex periodically, really just to satisfy him. Now it has come to a head. We put aside some time to be together, went out for the evening and made sure the children were accommodated. After being home for a while he ...switched on the playstation to play a game with his "online friends". I got dressed and went home. We didn't speak for 4 days. He is now blaming me, he said I should seduce him, I am not sexy anymore (which hurts). I really have forgotten how to be, as he didn't want me in that way for so long..and now he does, but he didn't tell me. On top of that...we seem to be going round in circles in our relationship. We do both want the same things but find it difficult to get to that point. He has asked me numerous times to live with him but I won't commit to that because I don't think things will be any different. I can't think of a future without him but I don't want this life I have at the moment. I have obviously focused on the problem I have with him, I am not fautless, but he won't speak to me properly to let me know what the problem with me is!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): maybe just sit down and tell him that if you dont talk about what has been happening to your relationship then it just wont last. it feels like a make or break situation, however please take into account the hurtful things he has said to you but also the hurtful things he is doing, not only to you, but is family aswell. what sort of man chooses playstations over making the people in his life that he cares about happy?? maybe after that you may feel ready to commit but you need to make him see that some things are going to have to change. maybe go to the gym together, or jogging, or just a long walk. that way you'll both feel better about your bodies but it may even bring back the attraction you both once used to feel towards each other.
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