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male
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anonymous
writes: I am confused what my girlfreind really wants. She said she needs a break from us till she can get her life back on track. She seperated from her ex of 12 years, 5 months ago for me. She lost her job and is under alot of stress right now. I haven't talked to her in 2 days now and when I do call her she really doesn't want to talk and if I ask what she did at night she just tells me she was out. That never used to happen. Do you think she has found someone to make her happy or she just doesn't want to be with me anymore and can't tell me?
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reader, Gryphon +, writes (10 May 2006):
 I truly sympathize with you on this one because my girlfriend of 3 years pulled much the same thing – she doesn't have nearly the number of crises that your girl is having but the separation was much the same – she needed to “find herself” and “take control of her life” before she could commit to a relationship. For weeks I tortured myself because I didn't know what was going on, why it happened or how I could resolve it – and that is where I was wrong. This is not about you, this is about her. You are more like an unfortunate casualty of war than a targeted victim. You will absolutely never know exactly what is going through her mind and what's more she probably doesn't even know herself. The best thing you can do is force yourself to move on, reclaim your life and give her space to come to terms with her little reality. Just don't desperately cling to hope, and don't engineer your life around her anymore until she is ready to commit. If you are willing to wait, then I too would suggest conducting a Suorpio style message and let her know that you will be around and willing to talk whenever she is ready. If you don't think you can or want to wait, then either give her a moratorium date that she must make up her mind by or you break it off, or just break it off now and spare yourself some pain and confusion. Just remember that no woman is worth throwing your emotional wellbeing away for and the best thing you can do is give her understanding and give yourself a mental (or even literal) vacation from the situation. Best of luck...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2006): It doesn't really matter very much whether she's found someone new or whether she really wants to be single now - the end result remains that she has suspended her relationship with you. If she isn't interested in talking, there's not much you can do about that either. If you want to be very classy, you can leave her a final message reminding her that you'll be there to talk when she's sorted everything out, but in the meantime, start acting like your single again. This isn't meant to be a downer at all, by the way, do all that stuff you've been meaning to or that fell by the wayside while you guys were going out. Maybe she'll call and want to get back with you, and maybe she won't, but at least you won't have wasted much time waiting in agony by the phone for her to get her act together.
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