A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy I like, we are in the same class at University and do everything together (long story). He seems very quiet and private. However he is open when we chat. He always says how hot other women are, then when I react just smirks and if I call him on it, he will say something like, "Well she wasn't that hot" or "Just because I say she is hot, doesn't mean I fancy her!" and he claims to be confident around women (but has only had a girlfriend...as far as I know). We have dinner a lot. Anyway, this is kind of irrelevant but, I think he likes me, but I am not sure if he does or sees us as "just friends". Anyway we were at dinner one evening, and I was making a sweeping statement about how a lot of men are very nervous around women. He said that not all guys were, and that there are some guys who are very forward, and added something along the lines of "like me". I scoffed and said I would have put him in the "lady coward" category, to which he replied "Yeah, well, you haven't seen me with someone I love"(quite defensively). I wasn't sure how to react to that, so said nothing. Then there was this really long pause and through out which he seemed very thoughtful, was playing with his food and seemed to be in deep contemplation, and he looked like he had something important to say. So I spoke up, saying he seemed to have something on his mind, and to spit it out. He took a breath and then looked about to say something, stopped himself, took another breath and said, still not looking at me and playing with his food, "I don't think I am going to be around much next year" (he glanced up quickly), so I was like yes...to which he continued with quite quickly, "so I don't think I should be considered committee president." It was so random, too random in fact. So I replied, "Where did that come from? It doesn't matter anyway, they aren't considering anyone yet, so don't count your chickens!" I went home and had a chat with my best friend who is also my flatmate, and she said that no guy in their right mind was going to admit that they are a "lady coward" and especially not to the girl they might like... and his odd response to him having something on his mind, was a diversion as to what he had actually been thinking which was getting up the courage to possibly say something to me, but chickened out at the last minute and had to think of something plausible quick. Is she right? Was he never going to admit to me that he was nervous around girls he likes (even with all the bravado he says he has)? Do I ignore the defensive comment? Or was he giving a hint? What about the out of the blue comment after the long pause? Was it him thinking quickly or was that actually what he might have been thinking so deeply about? Thanks in advance!
View related questions:
best friend, flatmate, shy, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2013): Perhaps you should consider "liking" someone else. It is evident you view things from vastly different angles. You appear to be direct and a "problem solver". He appears to have some soul searching to do.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 April 2013):
 Actually, given what you've said, I think he sees you in the Friend Zone, but he might not always be there. He hasn't made the decision that he *doesn't* like you, but he just hasn't thought about it I don't think.
If you like him and want him to warm up to you, don't talk about "lady cowards" or try to goad him into making a move with you, because many guys don't like to feel emasculated or shown up or whatever. There are a few though who like to be teased, which I've never figured out why. Once, I found out a guy liked me only after I got irritated with him and ripped him a new one because we were in the same drill team and he dipped his $300 sword in rubber cement and lit it on fire. He apparently thought my anger was a turn-on.
(I didn't like him back, obviously!)
Anyways, he might be the type of guy where making him feel good about himself might be the trick. Ask him things about himself, but don't make it sound like a job interview. After asking, sit back and listen. I dated a photographer who started liking me when I started asking him about his interest. He lit up like crazy when he was talking about it. I remember him asking me out like he thought he'd chicken out if he didn't do it all in one breath. He was so nervous!
...............................
|
