A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why is my boyfriend always moody with me?? we have been together 6 years.he does work long hours and doest get alot of sleep..when he is off work , he likes to go to the casino or play poker, he does smoke marawana .a week ago, he did start crying and told me he sometimes feels as though he dont know if he wants to be with me, and i could do better because he has cheated on me 3 years ago and he can tell im not over it yet. but he said he may miss me in 5 years time and rea;lise he doest want any one else !i feel really down, icant talk to him because he gets really angry and doesnt want to talk about our relationship...
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Your bf sounds like a troubled guy and he needs some serious work. Smoking pot, working long hours, not getting enough sleep.....will make a person difficult to be around. Let's look at what he said to you
"he sometimes feels as though he dont know if he wants to be with me, and i could do better because he has cheated on me 3 years ago and he can tell im not over it yet. but he said he may miss me in 5 years time and realise he doest want any one else"
I think he's waffling and may be trying to tell you he doesn't want to date, anymore but he's hanging onto you as he fears being alone and wonders if he can live with that decision. But in the meantime, he puts you through the angst of suffering through self-doubts and tolerating his mood swings and his inability to work on the relationship. That's not a healthy love, hun. When one loves another, they try everything they can muster to save a floundering relationship. They communicate and they do all they can to rectify and fix the problem. He's not helping you here.
You need to understand, his failings are his, and there is nothing you can do to remedy his issues. You have no control over him. But you can get to a counselor yourself and learn how to empower your life. To learn how to set some boundaries and realize that you deserve a healthier, more caring love. I suggest you muster up some personal courage and pride and make the final decision here, to save your sanity, by setting a tough rule on what you'll tolerate and tell him to get his life in order, or leave this relationship. I am sorry..not what you want to hear. Good luck to you. Stay strong and I'm with you all the way!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): The best thing to do is let it pass just forget about his past and focus on the future let him know how much he means to u and talk about you and him ,not him and someone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): It sounds like he is struggling getting his act together; he is depressed.
Sometimes we learn to clam up is better then talking about personal feelings. This is taught through life, from family and friends to a mate. He may have come into the relationship with issues, and because of this, the relationship may have added to it.
Going to a casino could become an addiction, which is counter productive if your trying to buy a home or save for a rainy day.
His anger could be for a few reasons, one is that his head is so clouded with stuff that he is trying to sort it out. The problem it seems we men have, is that when it involves someone else that is causing us grief, and we feel we just can't communicate with them, whether it is because they don't or can't talk to a deeper level, or that it is clear they are being stubborn, then men will dwell on it, which could take months for them to come to a realization and get over it.
Understanding the sequence of events in a relationship can help you get closer to the problem. Things done and said. Anger alone can just be frustration with what is going on in the head. I know I've let my thoughts flow and the female listener became confused and asked that I stop. While thinking, we can multitask from issue to issue, trying to get a parallal between situations hoping to find a solution.
Again, understanding the sequence of events from the beginning to present can help a lot. As you stated, he isn't ready to speak. I also know that even though women want to help their man, because of certain words used exclusively by women, it can annoy a man (read "men are from mars, women are from venus" for an example), and his response will be a a few barkings (anger).
The best thing to do is to lay low, stay out of his way, just continue with your own stuff, and use would instead of could when you want something done. Don't act or talk like daddy's little girl, sweet and innocent, this will only anger him, instead, be direct and to the point when you need something.
Hope this helps.
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