A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am 24 and I ve been married for 2 years. I met this guy and ever since I just cant stop thinking about him no matter how much I try. I made the mistake for calling him and we talked, we call each other and send each other messages, only met him once which was the first time we met. I look forward to hearing from him and when i dont hear from him i get so worked up, when I do, I really do get butterflies in my stomach. I'e never ever felt this way before. I havent really spoken to anyone about this, i just dont know what to do. Please advise me! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, thinking  +, writes (4 April 2007):
I have to agree. I read an article about the same thing in Psychology Today about a man going through what you are talking about. What you have with your husband is whats important. You should not continue down any road with this other man.
Of course it's easy to find someone else attractive or find someone who "butterflies" you. It is not easy to spend the rest of your life with someone, to lve someone unconditionally and forvever. So it weould make sense, that something so easy would look so good to you and make you feel butterflied. Maybe there's a reason within your marriage right now that this guy feels like this to you. Maybe your not feeling extra special from your husband, maybe things feel mundane so uncontiously you were lookng for that spark, any spark to make you feel that kind of exhiliration again. That issue might be worth talking to your husband about. Look at what you may need that you may not be getting as to why you find this other man so enticing.
As a woman, please be faithful to your husband, he deserves it, just as you do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): Hi! I can read between the lines that you don't actually want to think about this guy. That's also the reason why you wrote here.
I don't know how to stop thinking about someone, I also tried before. But somehow it worked at the end. Try not to get in contact with him. If you are in temptation to talk to him, call a friend. Maybe you know someone you can trust and tell about your feelings. And maybe this person will be next to you, when ever you need it. If your releationship to your husband is good enough, you could tell him, but if you don't feel comfortable about this, tell an other person. Try to detract from thinking of him. Call a friend, read a book, listen to good musik, go out, do anything what could help. Above all try to do something with your husband as much as you can, so that you realise how much he meens to you.
Don't let your feelings dominate your live and mind. Use your brain and remember the promise you gave your husband.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): First I'll ask you: Do you love your husband? Is this other guy worth to maybe destroy your marriage?You don't know him really, so you don't know if this can turn to real love. Let us assume you leave your husband to life with this other guy. It could be that in two years you don't love this guy anymore. Why? I try to explane you what I learnt about falling in love and real love. Falling in love just happens to you. You can't really controll it yourselfe. It is like beeing on drugs. The hormones in your body tell you what to do and are reigning your feelings. You can compare it with beeing drunk. The alcohol in your body makes you happy and you can forget your problems.Real love is different. It is the decision to want the best for someone and to make this person happy. The feelings are different to the feelings of falling in love, and you don't allways feel anything. But the cheerful feelings will come back again. This is not the case with falling in love. This feelings you will only have a few month ore years, but they will not come back in the same form.This may sounds weird and hard, but that's how it is. I suggest you go to a book shop and buy some books about releationships. I can recommend a book of Gary Chapman.
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