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anonymous
writes: Hi, Im in a relationship with a great guy, we have been together for 9 months. We have a lot of fun together and im really quite happy with him and how things are going.My last relationship ended badly as a result of him cheating on me and texting other women behind my back. My problem is that i feel so insecure about my partner going out with his mates, it always worries me that he will do the same thing. Deep down i know he wouldnt, but i just tie myself up in knots worrying about it.I dont actually say anything to him about it, sometimes i make comments, but i dont want thim thinking that i dont trust him.He knows about what happened in my last relationship, and he is aware that i have insecurities, it dosent matter how many times he reassures me, i cant help getting upset and stressed about him going out, i worry about it constantly if i know there is a night out coming up.Worry about other women coming on to him, him dancing with other women and if someone offered herself on a plate i worry he will take it. Im just tarring this guy with the same brush as the last one, which i so wrong.I go out with my friends as well, if only to take my mind off the fact he is out.I know it sounds stupid and even a little childish as im 35, im just so scared of losing this guy the same way.I have to learn to trust i know, but its so hard.Does anyone have any advice on how to start to trust again, even tho this guy has never given me any reason not to trust him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): I am a victim too,but if there is one thing i have learn is to move on,now i am happy with the man i have,u just have to let go of ur past and face the present,everything will be ok
A reader, natalie, writes (9 March 2005): Some advise i would like to give you is to just chill out. Because if you have been with him for 9 months and hes never given you any reason to suspect him of wrongdoing, chances are very high that hes really not up to anything. Even if he was you would just get that vibe that something was up, expecially after dating him for that long. You would see it in his eyes. I know how it is to be lied too and cheated on but you have to pull yourself together and get over the insecurities, because it will destroy you and all your relationships. Guys love strong willed and Confident women. even if you're not confident in all aspects of your life, you should still show it in your relationship, and ya im sure that night will come when a girl is all over him but if he is happy with you and knows your confident in him, and your relationship he wont want a one night stand. Unless hes not getting it fron you.One thing i know for sure is guys get really bored when their girlfreinds are insicure, and complain, and even more annoyed when you nag about them going out with their buddies Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2005): You see, it's not that you don't trust him. You worry yourself to death about him because you have had someone hurt you before, and you think it will happen again. Not every guy is the same. In a relationship you have to have trust, or there is only lust. As long as you know that he loves you and he doesn't lie to you about mistic little things, well then you must have faith in him as he does in you. Just have your happy little life together, and cherish one another forever. Never let worries get in your way. The main reason you feel this way is because you may have never felt this way with someone that you truly love, and that truly loves you back. Give it time, and you will see that you can trust him hundreds of miles away from you. Put your past behind you, and start living ahead. Know what to expect of tomarro, love what you've got, never give it away, unless you want it to rott.
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A reader, Jamie, writes (5 March 2005): First of all this is your problem not your b/f. This is something you need to work out in your mind. Every relationship is different, you can't hold him accountable for what your last b/f did to you. Being betrayed by someone you loved is hard to cope with but it is something you have to learn or you will never find a relationship that will work. You have to learn to trust yourself again, not him. You're only giving him a reason to be distrusting. Look at it as a new time in your life, not one that might happen again. You can't give up on something because your afraid of being hurt again. Stop worring, or you will just become unhappy with your self. Give him your trust and see where it goes, you may end up every happy!
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