A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I can't get over my ex and stalking him on social media; this is pathetic and I don't talk about it beside my therapists that doesn't approve my actions but here it is and I am hoping that someone might have some advice - my relationship with my ex was very brief -but I really fell for him since in the beggining he seemed so nice and charming - only to be blindsided by dumping me via text and not even throwing my stuff away like I was some piece of trash- it's been a year - I feel ashamed and embarrassed that I still think about this but I still have him on social media - no surprise he has found another woman that he is quick to make a gf and say I love u just like he did with me- my problem is that I can't stop worrying about him keeping me on social media- I don't want him to delete me because I want to come out and post something that will get his attention - or will prove that I'm doing okay- this is saddening- I told my sister to keep my passwords and she has vowed to never give them until I get over it but all I think is - is he still following me on instagram so when I log back in I can prove I'm happy- the last time I checked it I had a rush of blood come in and my face turned white when I saw him with that other woman. I know these feelings are not normal and I'm not right thinking this way but I wanted to reach out to see if anyone had any advice - I haven't looked at his profile but I still think about it- I haven't dated because if a man that does this to me with me just being plain nice - it's scary to think what else is out there- how can I stop wanting to prove something when this man is probably not even thought about me since the day he threw my jewelry and clothes in the trash after he broke up with me via textPlease advise
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male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (31 May 2017):
Start dating again...there is no better way to forget an old love than to get a new one. Of course there is some chance that you'll encounter another person who hurts you. Hey, we ALL face this situation. But you can't sit at home and find true love.
A
female
reader, Lexine07  +, writes (31 May 2017):
I agree with honeypie!
You have to let go. He's moving forward with his life while you're still stuck in the past scheming some sort of weird unrewarding revenge that will not be satisfying to you. You want him to know you're happy? Why? It's been a year... I guarantee he doesn't care a tiny bit! He didn't even delete you off his social media... he doesn't care at all and he's not thinking of you.
I think the part that hurt you the most was the brutal and cruel breakup. Had he sat you down and told you he wanted to break up, you could of had "closure". Well closure wasn't given to you and it's been a year... delete him off your social media. Stop obsessing over him... and get out of that weird prison you created for yourself.
I think you dodged a bullet, he sounds like a total jerk. Who does that?! Why would you even want anything to do with him?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 May 2017):
 You have to get to the core of this with the question WHY are you still so hung up on this guy?
Is it because you hope he will grow a conscience and APOLOGISE, that he will realize he made a mistake dumping you? Or are you hoping to catch him getting whacked by Karma?
So pinpoint WHAT is is you think you can get out of stalking him.
What I would suggest is this -STOP stalking him and STOP checking him out!
THE only person you are hurting with this is you.
HE GETS VALIDATION and ATTENTION from you despite who he treated you - YOU are giving him that.
EVERY time you post something in hopes HE will see it, you are VALIDATING his treatment of you.
EVERY time you check HIS "happy" posts you are losing a bit of your dignity and self-respect.
YOU can stop looking, you can stop stalking him. Simply BLOCK him from all YOUR social media and REMOVE him. It's not hard. And you are not some "helpless" person who have no control.
You write: "I can't stop" but you really should write " I don't WANT to stop".
For whatever reason, you are being your OWN worst friend.
What would you say to a REALLY good friend you cared about if THEY were in your shoes?
Think about it. DO you really want to GIVE him the power over YOUR life? You are fixated on him, stopping yourself from moving on, from living the life you COULD live.
This is why you need to figure out WHY you are doing it. This is about YOU, not him.
Maybe he felt you two weren't a good match so he decided to end it. Yes, it wasn't a "classy" way to dump you, tossing your stuff out not kind or classy either. BUT that is WHO he is. In a way you should be HAPPY it ended. He doesn't seem like he is a very decent guy at all.
Think about it. WHY are you stalking him. What is your excuse?
And why do you CHOOSE to not block, delete and move on?
Is it because it's safer to obsess over a guy you didn't know for long, who turned out to be an ass than GO out and start living again? NOT all guys are going to be like this guy. Maybe if you take the time to look back you might recognize some red flags too. Things to AVOID in the future.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 May 2017):
 You *must* delete and block him.
Get off of social media because you're not responsible enough to use it and stop stalking him. It takes longer to look at social media than to not look at it.
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