A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I and my husband were in a relationship since 2010 and got married in 2012. From the very beginning, I and my husband fought almost every week over petty issues. We were in a long distance relationship so thought things would be fine once we move in together. We do have trust issues and have no respect for each other. When we fight we bad mouth each other's family. I sometimes think we are d most violent couple anybody would have ever seen. the problem is even after so many ugly spats, we love each other a lot and don't want to leave each other. We do talk abt divorce when we fight but the truth is we can't live without each other. Sometimes I feel I m stucked. I can't tolerate this man but I love him very much. I have lost my self esteem and my confidence because he constantly taunts me I m good for nothing because I am a homemaker. Our parents don't have a hint of it. N I don't want to hurt them either. We want to plan kids but I am scared what if our children sees us fighting like enemies so I took a back step and hv decided I won't hv kids till things are fine. I have tried everything. Conversation is impossible between us. When we fight we just don't listen to each other. But once our minds cools off v forget everything and move on. please tell me what should I do to make things smooth in our marriage.
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confidence, divorce, long distance, move on, self esteem, violent Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2014): I'm going to give this to you straight and honest. You do not love each other. People these days seem to have redefined what love is but it is the same as it has always been. Love is being more concerned about the one you love than you are about yourself, it is being loyal,trusting, kind, generous and forgiving. It has NOTHING to do with how much you need someone or how much you want someone or how attracted you are to them or how much time you have invested or what promises you have made or how lucky you feel to have them or how attached you feel to them. It is literally about admiring and caring for someone as much if not more than yourself. And last but not least if you do not love and admire yourself than you are in no position to love someone else.
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (18 January 2014):
 You describe your marriage as "violent" but don't give specifics - if this includes ANY physical violence toward you, leave NOW.
If the violence you describe takes the form of hurtful words but has not yet escalated to physical fighting or abuse, I would suggest marriage counseling for both of you, with the caveat that your differences may ultimately be too great for any amount of counseling to smooth over. It sounds like each of you has said some pretty hurtful things to the other, and the fact that neither of you respects the other is going to be hard to fix - if a fix is even possible.
I do commend you for your decision not to bring children into a marriage you recognize as highly unstable.
Good luck and best wishes in your pursuit of a solution.
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