A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't shift the feeling that my partner may be cheating.Wee have been together for 3 years now and in a lot of ways he is really good. However he is odd when it comes to his phone or social media. Anytime he goes out of room he takes his phone, I asked to use it once and he stood right infront of me the whole time while I made the call. Then I seen he got a private message on Facebook and I said oh who's that from, and his response it's from you. I said erm clearly it's not.Of course he has every right not to show me the message but why lie? Why not even say from his friend or work colleague or something. It's the behaviour and clear lie and being over protective of his phone that makes me think with a massive sigh, what's going on? I thought I had trust in him but obviously this has sent me spinning.I don't know what to do or think over this now. What would others think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2022): Typo correction:
"I will admit, it makes you look suspicious when you never identify who's calling you; and guard your phone like [a] pit bull with a chew toy."
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2022): Not wanting you to go through his phone is a matter of privacy and preference. Maybe not just you, but anybody! Some people just don't like the idea that other people feel a necessity to monitor and investigate their phone activity. If you've never comfortably used each-other's phones; apparently this comes as no surprise.
I will admit, it makes you look suspicious when you never identify who's calling you; and guard your phone like pit bull with a chew toy.
You've been together 3 years, and you're suddenly concerned about his phone? He doesn't necessarily have to be cheating, if he hates the idea that you think you need to check his phone or know who's calling.
If you don't trust him, or he has a history of cheating; maybe you shouldn't have stayed in a relationship with a man you can't trust.
You should tell him that guarding his phone like he does makes you very uncomfortable. It makes trusting him very hard. If he doesn't trust you enough to share who's calling, you don't see much reason to trust him either. Considering he knows who's calling you, and you feel no reason to restrict him from access to your phone. Then leave it at that.
If he volunteers to let you go through his phone, fine. If he doesn't; consider dumping him, and looking for a less secretive boyfriend who'll allow you to randomly look through his phone. I doubt you'll do that. Dump him, I mean.
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A
male
reader, slingblade154 +, writes (24 January 2022):
he is cheating. my wife and I could care less about each other looking through our phones. this is what a guy does when he is doing something he don't want you to see or know about. run from this guy.
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A
male
reader, Chip +, writes (23 January 2022):
 If he is being overly secretive about what he is doing with his phone, I would say BEWARE, but until you have something to really confront him with, it might be better to just bide your time. If he is into anything that he shouldn't be doing, it will surface soon enough. Just my opinion.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2022):
 Does it automatically mean he is cheating?
No.
Does it mean he is probably doing things on that phone he doesn't want you to see?
Yes.
Could be porn. Could be he is gambling on some app. Could be he is chatting up old flames or new ones. There are many possibilities.
If this phone thing is new, then yes it absolutely could be a sign that something is up.
What is more concerning is that he is also lying straight to your face. That would bother me more than him taking his phone with him.
Have you two had the chat about WHAT you consider cheating? Because I am surprised at how many people claim "emotional affairs" isn't cheating.
Let's go a little further, let's say he IS cheating. What then? Would you leave if he was? Is it a deal-breaker for you? Has he cheated before or done skeevy things?
You have no proof, so accusations can be written off as you being "insecure", or "not trusting him" or even "better" that YOU are the one cheating or plain crazy.
We don't have a crystal ball here and can't see if he is cheating. I do find the behavior odd but there is so little to go on.
Before you go snoop in his phone, perhaps have a talk about the relationship. Ask him if he feels you two are doing good together. If he feels you two are still a good fit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2022): His behavior IS odd.
I know that all couples are different. My husband and I know each other passwords and pin codes. Only this morning he took my phone instead of his when he went out of the house. No problem.
What I found worrisome is that your husband is so protective of his communication. That hovering over you while you were using his phone... major red flag.
I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes.
That kind of behavior is something I have already seen twice in my life. And unfortunately both times the person was cheating. My own brother (sigh) and my best friend's husband.
My now ex sister in law could have written the same post you wrote here. When the proverbial sh*t hit the fan, I remember saying to my brother that I loved him, but that what he had done was beneath him. He just couldn't explain why he hadn't had the balls to say how unhappy he had been in his marriage.
My best friend's husband was like that until he wasn't. At some point he started letting his wife use his phone and we thought how stupid we had been to imagine the worst. You guessed it. That's when he had gotten THE SECOND phone. It was his teenage son who found out. It was traumatic for the whole family.
In a nutshell. It is strange and I have no idea what I would do. Cheaters and liars cheat, manipulate and lie. In any normal conversation you may end up looking like a fool.
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