A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So from a very young age of around 13 I was always strongly attracted to my teacher he was a lot older than me but there was just something. Fast forward 7 years and we start speaking every day problem is he’s married. At first we talked very casually as friends but it moved onto a sexual relationship. He’s 51 I’m 23 I don’t see it going anywhere but I can’t help but care about him. Now 2 years into our affair things go haywire I’m bipolar and started seeing someone new so I tried to end things. He said if he cheated on his wife I should cheat on my partner however I can’t cheat on someone so I said I thought he should tell his wife... long story short he goes off the rails starts talking about how he had cancer, he has depression is made him want to kill himself and then he blocked me 3 months later he tells me his wife knows everything they are making it work but begs to meet me twice in one week. I went to meet him and he just told me I meant the world to him and how proud he was. The thing is I can’t shake the stories he’s told me. Like I can’t bekibe his wife knows he’s had an affair with someone younger than thei daughter and someone he used to teach for 2 years? And if so why beg to meet me when your marriage is hanging? Plus the cancer has now not been discussed once. Am I being unreasonable/paranoid or is he lying?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 February 2018):
 What is that that you care for? Honestly he is old enough to be your Dad. You are right it won't go anywhere, he is probably just delighted he can get to bed with someone so young and is making the most of it. He sounds like a predator.
You can't cheat on someone? But it is okay to have sex with another woman's husband? Actually having sex with someone who is married is actually worse. When exactly did this move on to a sexual relationship? What age where you?
Everything he is telling you sounds like a bunch of lies so that you can feel sorry for him. Honestly if it was me I would tell someone about this affair. His wife deserves to know the truth (you can bet he hasn't told her), plus the school he teaches at deserves to know how manipulative he is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2018): He is a predator.How many other classmates has he groomed over the years?Yes you were of age but when you were groomed you were under age.You do not even see what he has done. Personally I would out him.I would tell his wife and I would tell the school and maybe even a reporter for the daily news.He should not be teaching children...he is one sick guy.It was not a relationship as you were his victim.Please out him so other girls in the future can be protected.He will countinue to do this until he is stopped.You are not the first ex student he has had I guarantee you and unless you put a stop to it the cycle will countinue.Out him.
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A
male
reader, liddel  +, writes (25 February 2018):
Rule 1. Don't screw other women's husbands. It doesn't matter if they don't get along, or if they're separated or if he has filed for divorce. Until there is a divorce decree, hands off.
This man is not your friend. He is a predator that hit on and captured a young prey. He is responsible for his mental health, not you. The best thing you can do, for you, his wife and him, is to stay away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2018): This is unnecessary drama. You shouldn't have engaged in any conversation or activity with this (or any) married-man in the first-place. I guess you might attribute this to your bipolarism. Some actions or behavior may be impulsive, or due to impaired-judgement.
I hope you've discussed this affair with your therapist. It should be. I think he might be manipulating you. Crushes shouldn't last so long. If he has cancer, he has to receive radiation-therapy. You should see some visible side-effects of his treatments; such as hair-loss, weakness, maybe some bloating, weight-loss, and lethargy. He's testing your gullibility. By the same token, perhaps you're starving for attention; and it is quite probable you are playing-up to his exploitation. You may not be as naive as he thinks you are.
I don't think you're ready to handle relationships of a romantic-nature; if you're so naive and impulsive.
I think you need to have an in-depth talk with your therapist. In no-way is any of this healthy for you. I don't think you're able to walkaway from this on your own; and you may need professional-advice aside from what we offer on this site.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (24 February 2018):
 I’ll assume that you are 25, and that means that you have so much of life ahead to structure and set up. When you turn 51, do you want to be like him, a miserable predicament? Of course not. So just go no contact with this guy. You don’t need him in your life. You certainly can’t fix his misery that he made himself. And if a track record of a person has merit, then look at what he is capable of creating romantically: it obviously isn’t good.
You totally do not need the hassle of even knowing this person. Nor do you need to explain to him why you don’t want him in your life. He is wrong to be around you and simply cut him off.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (24 February 2018):
I know you feel you owe this man something, but he is very very bad for you. You do not need to know whether what he is saying is the truth, you just need to get very very far away from him. The fact that he entered into a sexual relationship having known you as a young child indicates he is very damaged.
The fact that he believes you owe it to him to cheat in your relationship indicates he only has his own best interests at heart, not yours.
I think the fact that you are even in touch with this man means that he has damaged your ability to evaluate whether relationships are good ones. Delete and block all methods of communication and seriously consider a Councillor. Seriously- Do not contact this man. His problems, if real, are his to deal with with his family.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2018):
 Just cut off this older married guy. TOTALLY. That means block him on everything. And consider getting a new phone number so he can't get hold of you.
You know that affair is wrong and won't go ANYWHERE so why waste ANY MORE time on it? Him having cancer doesn't mean you OWE him to cheat on the new guy you are with.
If the shoe was on the other foot and your new guy was having an affair with a married woman WHILE seeing YOU - would you continue to see the guy? My guess is no.
Just wish the old fella GOOD LUCK with the rest of his life and then CUT him off.
YOU know darn well that he is full of lies. He lies to you, he lies to his wife - all so that HE can screw around with someone else. And after you drop him, he will find some other young naive woman to mess with.
Just... no.
WANT more for yourself. Focus on your mental health and HEALTHY relationships.
The old geezer is toxic.
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