A
female
age
30-35,
*elples
writes:I realized I have a huge problem. It all begins with remembering how long each of my boyfriends lasted. Never did it go beyond three months. I've only had two before my current one. My current one and I were best friends before. I can't seem to stop calling it off after I know it's been three months. As to why he still stays with me? I'm surprised myself. But just recently, I thought I was doing well as we went to our fourth month anniversary almost five. But I was becoming paranoid, and upset at every little thing, picking minor fights for what I believe were really big reasons. I realized that I get like that all the time as soon as it is about to hit three months. This time, I didn't count the date until one day I did which was why I guess we passed the third month. But I called it off, and we're back on. What's wrong with me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Justified +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Hey sweetie you need to work on your self confidence becuase you may be giving up on the relationship becuase you feel they he may give up on you first so you give yourself a time limit to break it off before things go sour. Open your heart and give it a shot.
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (9 October 2009):
 The closer we get to people, the more ceceptable we are to being hurt be them.
If a complete stranger lied to you, how much would you care? If a stranger told you he never wanted to see you again, how badly would it hurt you? Not at all. you'd be left think "..weird..." and that'd be the end of it.
But if this guy with whome you're in a relationship and care about lies to you or tells you he doesn't want to see you anymore, it hurts. It hurts badly.
As humans, the majority of us try to avoid that at all costs: to protect ourselves from future pain unless we are paticularily fearless.
Sometimes it is an instinct we have but a lot of times, it is derived from our pasts. You say you've never been in a relatinship for longer than three months. So think back to the first one: Did it end in hurt? Did you end it because he hurt you and you ended it before he had the oppertunity to hurt you futher? If not, was it your parents? Did one of them walk out and become undependable or invisible? Did you have a friend or several friends who left you in the dust? Who became too "cool" for you?
Maybe it was several or maybe it was one and you'd never thought of it before now. I don't think most of us realize that it's affecting us. Especially if we blow off the problem when it first occurs instead of dealing with it head on.
Or maybe it was none of these and it's your basic human isntinct. Either way, you should open up and let him in. You'll never know how truely amazing a relationship can be unless you allow to it achieve that point.
I will offer you one other explanation:
Maybe you just know that this isn't your soul mate. Some of us date for fun and some of us date in search of the perfect marriage partner. Those who are in search, end realationships early because we know they won't ultimately lead anywhere.
In that case: everyone person and every event and every thing has an affect on us. Maybe it won't last forever, but it could lead to something that could change you or your life. Just let things happen and stop breaking up with people if you don't have a genuinly good reason.
~Sy.
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