A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So this girl and I have been hanging out, having sex, acting like we are kind of in a relationship, but never really stating that. It's been weird in some ways, but for some reason, I really might like her. Anyways, I went out of town and she slept with someone else. She told me after I asked her and I could tell she was lying. HOWEVER, SHE was the one that said to me from the beginning, "If you sleep with someone, just tell me, we can only be friends afterwards." Anyways, after I found out, I asked her if I had slept with someone, would she cut me out of the pictures, and she said, yes, she would be through with me. So I told her to leave. She kept saying she was sorry, etc.,etc. I can't tell if I'm actually hurt or my pride is hurt more. If I was honest, I'd say I'm hurt, but I also don't know if I have a reason to actually call it cheating. Am I being too serious for the situation this early? She knew when she did it that it might end us, but she did it anyways, claiming she was crazy from some things, which is probably true based on her past. She does have some issues, but for some reason, I liked her enough to consider relationship as a possibility.1. Should I walk away, leaving her with the idea she hurt me? or2. Tell her I don't care, I havent' been 100% faithful either and now she has opened the door for us to have an open relationship, which is what I want anyways? I have a several other girls I talk to, she just was the one I actually would have tried a relationship with.3. Or, do I tell her that it's no big deal, I've been talking to a couple of other girls anyways, (which is true, other girls ask me out and i've told her, but thinks I haven't let those situations go too far in consideration with her, nor am I the jealous type), and that she has simply opened the door for us to see other people. I don't want her to think she has really hurt me or that I'm going to spend any time stressing over her. At the same time, making sure she knows I'm going to go back to being a player, and will give her attention when I feel like it.If 1 or 2 is the option, call today or wait a day or more? She has a friend coming in town tomorrow for 2 weeks, so she will be distracted from us with that, hence any need to react.Would any of your answers differ if I had slept with other people before she told me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I think I might have mis-written something. She was the one that originally brought up monogamy. She said that if I slept with someone else, ok, but afterwards she would only be friends with me. When she told me about what she did, I said, "If it was me who had done this, what would you do right now?" She said, "I would be done with you." So I said, "And you knew this when you slept with him, you knew it would jeopardize us, but you did it anyways?" She could only say she was sorry and was crazy at that time. Her last relationship was 7 years, they were engaged, and he cheated then dumped her. It's been more than a year since she's tried to have anything with anyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): What relationship? You have not specified what you want. You say you have 'cheated' as well. You say you just hangout and have sex.
If I were the partner I would make sure I had other things going on apart from you because you want everything - an open relationship, her commitment, no hurt.
You
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Tell her the truth. Tell her that her cheating made you realize that you wanted an exclusive relationship with her. Stop playing around. If you want a relationship with this woman, say so or let her go.
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