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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So I'm sure you've all probably heard this story a million times. I don't know if I'm even asking a question, but just need to pour my heart out to a kind ear. Any words of comfort would be greatly appreciated.my boyfriend and I broke up officially four months ago. There was no cheating or someone else or anything like that. He just was unsure of his feelings and didn't feel right staying in the relationship when he needed to figure himself out. So after almost two years he ended it. Three months later, he begged me for a second chance after realizing he was still in love with me. We tried again, but kept things light between us so as not to fall back into the same old cycle. After about a month he almost said I love you but stopped himself because he didn't want to hurt me and was afraid to say it again so soon. He told me he can't wait for the day when he can fall asleep next to me and wake up with me in his arms. Two days after he told me all of this I went through a horrible experience with a guy I thought was my friend. Long story short, he pushed himself on me, I refused him and according to the counselor I spoke to, what happened was a form of sexual assault. I was upset and told my boyfriend and he freaked out. He took the first opportunity to leave even though he said he knew I didn't cheat on him and was not capable of doing anything like that. I honestly believe he's afraid of falling back in love again because it was so painful for both of us the first time around so he left. He told me not to call him unless I'm in a life or death situation, for which he will be there for me if I need him. The last thing I said to him was 'I know you love me and when you realize just how much you need me, you will come and find me'.After all of this happened, I can't seem to wrap my head around it all. I feel completely numb from the time I wake up until I fall asleep. I can't seem to cry or feel anything. I feel drained, I feel like I can't seem to wake up. I can never seem to sleep and when I do manage to sleep I always have the same dream. I'm driving and I feel this incredible loss and pain in my chest, I see headlights coming towards me and I feel the impact, then I wake up. I know it will be a long time before he figures himself out and comes back, if he ever does, but I can't seem to let go, I can't seem to feel, I'm just stuck. Whats wrong with me?
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female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (3 December 2008):
 You will love many men in your life. Some more than others. I'm not so young and 5 years ago met the one I'd been looking for my whole life. But I was not the one he was looking for. Love and life isn't fair! Grief takes a lot out of a person and it feels like you will never recover. But you do eventually. You are so young and you haven't met the One yet. These are all practice men so that we can get it right when the right one comes along.
You'll be okay, trust me! Just not as soon as you want. As for him. Look for the next love and don't go back. It will never work out the way you want because of your individual personalities. Just a repeat and more pain. Be kind to yourself and should he come back, tell him you love him but you can't try it again with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): I'm in the same situation as you, perhaps worse because the breakup was not amicable at all, and we weren't even officially in a relationship for over a year (we were kind of in the situation you were for a month when he came back, but for 2 years...) That was because we both had left our exes, and initially we were just madly in love with each other but as time passed by both couldn't overcome the guilt and were always confused about our feelings...
The final break was from her and was messy and horrible, about 2 months ago. She finally went back to her ex and because we did a lot of nasty stuff to each other, we hate each other and although I still miss her she now treats me like scum. What's worse is that we work in the same building. I am still in touch with my ex and although rationally I know that she was and is the best girl for me, and right now she is the only I feel emotionally open to, I'm in so much pain that I can't feel anything...
I'm stuck just as much as you are, I feel like time has stopped for half a year (this is when things started to get really messy). I also lost a lot of dignity trying to win her back, as for us, no contact was not an option (we still see each other at work, and no contact would mean oh, you just went back to your ex).
Anyway, I hope we can both overcome this. I'm same as you, cannot feel anything for other people and just feel closed and stuck, time does not pass by...it's also hurts and makes me angry that after all that, she just went back to her ex so easily. All I want is that I stop ruminating over the past, regret my mistakes, feel open to people, and be able to love again...I don't mean romantic love, I just mean loving and enjoying life. I wish I can feel that time is moving along again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): What's wrong with you is you are stuck and you are experiencing depression. Depression takes away your rational judgement, and it is repressed anger turned inwards on yourself. Since this has been going on for a period of longer than two weeks, you need to seek medical help or you could get much worse...
Make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her everything here and what you are feeling and experiencing. Be honest. They can prescribe you some medication that will help lift your mood and the clouds from your eyes. I also think you would benefit from talking with a psychologist. The sexual assault is something you need to process your feelings about.
As far as the boyfriend goes, forget him and don't even think about letting him back into your life. He is a boy, plain and simple and he is not ready for a real relationship....and perhaps neither are you, and that is OK. Love happens in good time and this isn't the time of your life where you are going to meet The One. You are young and you have your own life to live just now without the influence of a boyfriend to distract you from the work you need to do.
So make that appointment and you will be amazed at how quickly your life will turn around.....I promise.
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