A
female
age
51-59,
*isalove
writes:Hi, what brought me to this site is the loneliness and despair i feel. I can't seem to keep a man or a friend no matter what i do. I run everybody off and I'm not sure why. I laugh at peoples jokes, listen to them, and always try to offer encouraging words. I feel like a loser when it comes to lasting relationships. Can someone offer any advice for me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lisalove +, writes (18 July 2009):
lisalove is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for the feedback, I haven't talked to anyone about this before now. I do think i can get judgemental toward others sometimes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): It sounds like you have unresolved issues in your past, things you haven't fully dealt with and it's made you bitter and while you say you're friendly, listen to people and such, bitterness is something that consumes, it becomes you.
Your attitude to life becomes soured and whether you think it or not it's very obvious to other people, it's not something that can be hidden for long from someone.
Perhaps therapy would help you. I mean you need to let go of the bad relationships of the past before you can form new ones, you need to learn the tools to cope with what happened back then so you can move on.
You seem to think the worst of people if they don't start calling you back soon and it's quite cynical attitude to be disappointed when they don't. Good friendships take time and patience, they can't be rushed trying too hard can be a bit overwhelming.
Above all I need to stress that it can be done and I apologise if I'm way off the mark with this post ;).
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A
female
reader, lisalove +, writes (18 July 2009):
lisalove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey usaully don't say anything, I just don't hear from them anymore. I might try contacting them maybe once or twice after not hearing from them, but i give up after that. Sometimes they may call later down the line but by this time i'm dissapointed, So i cut out all communications. It becomes a vicious cycle.
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A
female
reader, lisalove +, writes (18 July 2009):
lisalove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't necessarily not like myself. I do things all the time to improve, like posting on this forumn for instance. I can say i might be a slight bitter from past hurts. Maybe that is projected to other's...I guess what i'm asking or saying how do you learn to trust yourself enough to start having more quality relationships with others.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 July 2009):
 I'm not 100% sure why but I can take a guess that it has to do with how you feel about yourself. If you feel bad about yourself and that you don't measure up to others, it comes out in your interactions. Do you feel like you need other people to be happy? Do you ever feel desperate to have someone in your life?
I think the key to having lasting friendships and relationships is loving yourself. Once you feel like you have a lot to offer, feel that you're smart and comfortable with yourself, people will enjoy your company. Everyone loves being around someone who feels good; it's contagious! :)
If you provide some examples of your interactions we can help you further.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2009):
 We would need more information :-).
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A
male
reader, DLover  +, writes (18 July 2009):
Are you really 36-40 ? I find this strange for a mature woman. Maybe you're trying too hard ? what did people say you before leaving ?
Try to keep a friend first, it's easier than a man.
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