A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to ask if someone else has struggled to be happy- I am a miserable person and as much as I try in therapy I just can't be satisfied. I worry a lot about what others perceive me and I please People. Sadly the only joy I have gotten is showing off on social media and going out with people that gossip and that love to bring u down. Through therapy I stopped the going out and spending 100 bucks a night to fancy restaurants - I stopped dating all together because I'm incapable of loving myself to love someone else(hence I have attracted negligent men or men that are verbally abusive) but although I can acknowledge that these changes are better I'm still antsy- does misery love company- I worry so much - my mind worries about everything from my health to my looks to my bills that I can't breathe and relax. How does someone just be? I have a huge problem being alone - this has made me never take days off from work because I hate the thought of being alone- on top of that it's hard to see and log into social media - it's crazy has anyone felt this way - getting joy from posting popular pics but not enjoying being in the moment? I feel like I can't seem to crack the code on living now and appreciating now - I'm always in the past - worrying or in the future worrying Reply to this Question
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reader, Riot2017  +, writes (28 July 2017):
Do you do exercise? If you don't, you have to start doing it NOW.I was a couch potato for most of my life, and for the past 3 months I have been working out and swimming, and although there are no visible results at all, I can assure you that I feel stronger, better, and more emotionally stable. When life kicks me in the ballseys , I feel more capable of taking the hit.You won't find happiness in social media. Social media is the root of all evil, that's why I avoid it like if it was the plague. That restlessness you feel when you are away of social media and people, it's just a withdrawal symptom you get form social media. It feels just as if you are quitting caffeine, or even hero-ine: you know that kind of life is killing you, but you just need another fix.I had the same symptoms of that withdrawal on college, until I got fed up and ditched all social media once and for good. I went cold turkey, and my life has been much more better.My advice to you is, change therapist, swim or do any other kind of exercise. Please, stay away from the gossip girls and those kind of toxic people that only bring you down. Find time for yourself, and learn the art of being happily alone and single. Once you learn to love yourself and love being alone, then you are 100% ready to start a relationship and true and really meaningful relationships.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 May 2017):
 I was about to advice you to go on a vacation alone with no WiFi. But then I see that is what you are afraid of. So likely, you will not do it. But if you truly want to be happy and learn to live in the moment, this is what you should do. Go on vacation alone. You dont have to tell people, you even have my permission to lie about it. But do it. Go somewhere you always wanted to go. A weekend is enough to begin with :-)
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A
female
reader, Lexine07  +, writes (31 May 2017):
I agree with the two comments below.
Very soon, if nothing changes, you'll end up feeling alone even when you're surrounded by people. What then? You need to experience life, meet new people and travel to new places. By the sound of it you're living a very fake/plastic life. You're playing pretend for social media, you need to reevaluate your goals. It's corny but... what if you died tomorrow? What would you want as your eulogy? "Her pictures always had the most likes?" Probably not, eh?
You're trapped right now and luckily you recognized the signs. It's not too late, you can still do something about it.
As for enjoying the moment... just don't always bring your phone with you. If there's no Facebook picture, snapchat or Instagram story to take. You'll appreciate it more because it's fleeting.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (30 May 2017):
 You are someone who is aware of her problems but that doesn't help. It may be that you have been in the wrong type of therapy. Endlessly looking into your past to root out causes and reasons doesn't necessarily help you fix them.
And being unhappy may be your natural state.
People often look at it as a binary thing, either happy or unhappy. However there are infinite degrees in between bliss and despair.
I sometimes think being happy is when you are just not thinking about it - not worrying about being happy. That can often be when you are occupied doing something.
Just remember it isn't your right to be happy. However you can try to make your life enjoyable.
So expensive dinners and social media doesn't always do it for you. No problem. Move on.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 May 2017):
 Take a break from social media.Get two hobbies - one you can do on your own and one that gets you out meeting people.You've left a selfish, superficial life behind, so it'll take time to build a new one.You will never be happy while you compare your life to the fake happiness you had before or the BS "perfection" people portray on social media.Once a week/month, do something. Have lunch in a park. Go hiking. Go to museums and galleries. Plan a cruise/holiday (can be on a budget) for a few months from now. There are singles' holidays that let you meet new people, even if it's not for dating purposes.Get out there, but in a more productive way.
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